therapywithdavid

Why Effective Therapy Must Include the Body

Fri, 08 May 2026 15:22:27 GMT

The Growing Importance of Somatic Experiencing in Trauma Healing

For decades, psychotherapy has largely focused on helping people understand themselves cognitively.

We helped clients identify distorted thinking, gain insight into childhood experiences, understand relational patterns, and develop healthier narratives about themselves and the world around them. This work has been incredibly valuable and life-changing for many people.

But increasingly, the mental health profession is recognizing something important:

Insight alone does not always heal trauma.

Many clients can explain their attachment patterns beautifully. They understand where their anxiety comes from. They can articulate their childhood wounds with remarkable clarity. They know why they react the way they do.

And yet, despite this insight, they still feel trapped in the same emotional and relational cycles.

Why?

Because trauma is not only psychological.

It is physiological.

Trauma Lives in the Nervous System

One of the most important shifts occurring in the field of trauma therapy is the growing understanding that trauma is not simply the painful event itself. Trauma is also what happens inside the nervous system as a result of overwhelming experiences.

As Peter Levine, founder of Somatic Experiencing, explains:

“Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness.”

The body remembers what the mind often minimizes, rationalizes, or forgets.

A person may intellectually know they are safe while their nervous system continues to react as though danger is still present.

This is why many trauma survivors continue to experience:

Hypervigilance
Panic and anxiety
Emotional numbness
Dissociation
Chronic tension
Difficulty resting
Relational shutdown
Overreactions to seemingly minor stressors

These responses are not simply “thinking errors.” They are nervous system adaptations.

The Limits of Top-Down Therapy

Traditional talk therapy often works from the “top down.”

This means we use cognition to influence emotions and behaviors through:

Insight
Reflection
Cognitive reframing
Narrative exploration
Meaning-making

This approach remains deeply important. However, trauma frequently requires “bottom-up” healing as well.

Bottom-up approaches focus on the body and nervous system first. Rather than beginning exclusively with thoughts and interpretations, these approaches help clients notice and work with physiological states and sensations.

Questions shift from:
“What are you thinking?”

To:
“What are you noticing in your body right now?”

This distinction matters because the nervous system often reacts before conscious thought has time to intervene.

Why Somatic Experiencing Is Growing

Somatic Experiencing has gained significant attention because it addresses trauma at the level of the nervous system.

Developed by Peter Levine, Somatic Experiencing is based on the understanding that traumatic stress can become “stuck” in the body when survival responses are interrupted or overwhelmed.

When humans experience threat, the nervous system instinctively mobilizes for survival through:

Fight
Flight
Freeze
Fawn responses

These are biological adaptations, not conscious choices.

Somatic therapies help individuals gradually process and release unresolved survival activation through nervous system regulation, body awareness, and careful pacing. Importantly, this is not about dramatic catharsis or reliving trauma intensely. Effective somatic work emphasizes safety, pacing, and staying within what is often called the “window of tolerance” the zone in which a person can remain emotionally present without becoming overwhelmed or shutting down.

The Body Often Speaks Before Words Do

Many trauma survivors become disconnected from their bodies over time. This disconnection can be adaptive.

For some people, leaving the body psychologically became the safest way to survive overwhelming experiences. As a result, many clients enter therapy highly intellectualized and disconnected from sensation, emotion, and embodiment.

They can explain themselves cognitively while remaining physiologically dysregulated.

Somatic work gently helps clients reconnect with bodily awareness by noticing:

Tightness
Constriction
Breathing patterns
Muscle tension
Restlessness
Numbness
Collapse
Activation

This process can help clients begin recognizing how their nervous systems respond to safety, connection, and perceived threat.

Trauma and Relationships

One of the most profound realities of trauma is that people often continue reacting to present relationships through the lens of past nervous system learning.

Someone may consciously desire intimacy while their body experiences closeness as dangerous.

Someone may intellectually understand boundaries while their nervous system freezes during conflict.

Someone may deeply want rest while their body remains chronically braced for danger.

This is why purely cognitive insight sometimes fails to create lasting change.

The body itself must experience safety differently.

The Therapist’s Nervous System Matters Too

One of the most meaningful developments in trauma-informed therapy is the recognition that healing is not only about interventions.

It is also about co-regulation.

Clients are profoundly impacted by the therapist’s:

Presence
Pacing
Tone
Regulation
Emotional steadiness

Sometimes the most healing aspect of therapy is not a technique but the experience of being emotionally held by another regulated nervous system without judgment, abandonment, or overwhelm.

In many ways, trauma therapy increasingly involves helping clients have a new embodied relational experience.

Our approach to trauma is changing as we better understand how trauma impacts both the mind and the body.

Mon, 09 Mar 2026 01:06:00 GMT

Signature Keynote:

Growing Up in Apartheid South Africa

Identity, Systems, Awakening, and the Work of Healing

In this powerful and deeply reflective keynote, Dr. David Schlosz shares what it was like to grow up as a white child in apartheid South Africa, living inside a system he did not create, yet one that shaped his understanding of identity, power, belonging, and truth.

Through vivid storytelling, historical insight, and psychological reflection, David explores how systems shape human perception, how moral awakening unfolds, and why truth-telling is essential for healing both individuals and societies.

Audience Takeaways

Understand how systems shape identity, perception, and moral imagination
Explore the role of truth-telling in healing individuals and societies
Reflect on reconciliation, transformation, and moral awakening
Gain insight into the psychological impact of culture and history

Ideal Audiences

Universities and graduate programs
Counseling and psychology conferences
Leadership and organizational development events
Faith communities and retreats
Diversity, belonging, and reconciliation initiatives

About Dr. David J. Schlosz

Dr. David J. Schlosz is a therapist, counselor educator, author, and speaker originally from Cape Town, South Africa. Growing up during apartheid profoundly shaped his understanding of identity, systems, and the work of healing.

Today David teaches graduate counseling students and maintains a counseling practice in Texas. His work focuses on shame, identity, belonging, and the process of becoming more fully oneself. Through his speaking, writing, and podcast work, David invites audiences into thoughtful conversations about truth, reconciliation, identity, and human transformation.

Booking & Contact

Website: www.therapywithdavid.com Email: info@therapywithdavid.com

Relational Identity Integration

Fri, 27 Feb 2026 17:44:43 GMT

Why Psychotherapy Must Move Beyond

Symptom Management

For decades, psychotherapy has been structured around one central goal: symptom reduction. Reduce anxiety. Stabilize mood. Decrease intrusive thoughts. Improve functioning. These goals matter. They reduce suffering. They restore stability. They save lives.

But what if symptom reduction, while necessary, is not sufficient? What if beneath many of the symptoms we treat lies something deeper, not disorder, but fragmentation?

I want to propose a shift in how we conceptualize healing. Not away from science. Not away from evidence-based practice. But toward a more developmentally coherent and relationally grounded understanding of identity. Think of this as Relational Identity Integration. It is not a new framework. Many theories and modalities focus on aspects of this (Internal Family Systems, the Neuro-Affective Relational Model, Gestalt, Somatic Experiencing).

For me, this is a form of what many mystics call "soul retrieval".

In clinical practice, we encounter anxiety, depression, relational conflict, perfectionism, emotional numbness, and burnout. Traditionally, we diagnose and intervene. But when we slow down, we often discover something profound. Many clients are not broken. They are organized around survival strategies.

A child growing up in an unpredictable environment may become hypervigilant. A child whose vulnerability overwhelms caregivers may suppress emotion. A child rewarded for performance may build identity around achievement. Over time, these adaptations harden into personality structures. Survival becomes identity. And the self fragments.

One part dominates, productive, compliant, independent, strong. Other parts go underground, vulnerable, angry, needy, grieving. Symptoms often emerge not because the person is defective, but because these exiled parts demand recognition. Anxiety may represent vigilance that once preserved attachment. Depression may represent collapse after prolonged suppression. Perfectionism may represent attachment anxiety encoded into productivity.

If this is true, therapy must address more than symptoms. It must address identity coherence.

Identity fragmentation does not occur randomly. It forms in relationship. Attachment theory demonstrates that the self develops within emotional attunement. When attunement is consistent, identity tends toward integration. When attachment is inconsistent, shaming, dismissive, or chaotic, identity reorganizes strategically. Children do not consciously ask, Who am I? They ask implicitly, Who must I be to stay connected? Over time, compliance becomes safety. Self-reliance becomes protection. Achievement becomes worth. Emotional suppression becomes stability. These strategies are intelligent, but they are costly. They narrow emotional range, restrict relational flexibility, and create internal hierarchies where some parts dominate while others are silenced.

A pathology-based framework can describe dysfunction, but it cannot restore coherence. It can measure anxiety levels, but it cannot measure internal reconciliation. A client may report reduced panic attacks yet remain disconnected from vulnerability. Another may improve mood but remain unable to assert boundaries. If the dominant survival strategy remains unexamined, fragmentation persists beneath symptom relief. Relational Identity Integration reframes therapy as a structured process of reintegrating disowned aspects of the self. Not eliminating survival strategies, but expanding identity to include what was once unsafe.

Fragmentation forms in relationship. Integration must therefore unfold in relationship. Integration occurs not through insight alone, but through corrective relational experience. When a client expresses anger and is not abandoned. When vulnerability is met with steadiness rather than discomfort. When shame is named without humiliation. These moments encode new relational memory. Over time, internal splits soften.

Fragmentation narrows life. It produces predictable reactions. The compliant self says yes automatically. The avoidant self withdraws reflexively. The achiever overrides exhaustion. Integration restores pause, and in that pause agency emerges.

Agency is not dominance. It is alignment. It is the capacity to act from an internally coordinated self. When clients integrate fragmented parts, they report feeling more like themselves. They tolerate conflict without shutting down. They express desire more clearly. They experience less internal war. These are not merely symptom shifts. They are structural identity changes.

Our culture amplifies fragmentation. We curate identities online. We reward performance over presence. We equate productivity with worth. We live in an era of hyperconnectivity and internal disconnection. Psychotherapy cannot remain solely symptom-focused in a culture that structurally fragments identity. We must address coherence.

This is not an argument against diagnosis. It is an argument for depth. Psychotherapy must move beyond symptom management toward identity coherence, relational integration, and existential aliveness. If we measure only symptom reduction, we risk mistaking stability for wholeness. Integration is not about becoming someone new. It is about reclaiming what was once divided.

For clinicians, educators, and leaders in the mental health field, I offer this question: What would shift in your work if identity coherence became a primary outcome? How might your pacing change? Your questions change? Your tolerance for complexity change?

Psychotherapy has evolved before. Perhaps the next evolution is not a new technique, but a deeper organizing principle. The concept of Relational Identity Integration is not a rejection of what we have built. It is an invitation to build further. To treat not only distress, but division. To aim not only for stability, but wholeness. In doing so, we may help people not simply feel better, but become more fully themselves.

Entrepreneurship and Mental Health

Tue, 20 Jan 2026 21:52:25 GMT

My conversation with Josh Rosen is, at its core, about the price of building something big.

Not the visible markers; companies launched, revenue milestones, awards, and headlines; but the internal journey that rarely makes it into the highlight reel.

We wanted to go underneath the “success story” and talk about what it has demanded of him: the pressure, the identity questions, the loneliness, the impact on mental health, and the way his definition of success has changed over time. The central tension is one many founders live with: how do you pursue ambitious dreams in a way that honors both ambition and humanity?

Josh captures his approach in a line he shares right at the beginning: “I need to stand because motion creates emotion.” It’s a simple phrase, but it reveals something essential: his commitment to actively engage his inner world, not just endure it.

The Making of a Leader: Duality, Sacrifice, and Audacity

Publicly, Josh shows up as a “dream maker”. A leader who runs a digital media company and helps brands with go-to-market strategy. He talks about mentorship with genuine pride, describing himself as a “guiding light” for his team. What matters most to him isn’t a vanity metric; it’s watching people in his company reach real-life milestones: buying homes, building stability, starting families. He calls that his biggest standard of success.

But privately, his story has another layer.

Under the “unflappable” exterior is a deeply sensitive person who feels the weight of responsibility constantly. While his wife may describe him as someone who “doesn’t get nervous,” Josh tells the truth more plainly: “I’m nervous all the time. I just channel it in a different way.” His drive is rooted in a desire to protect the people closest to him and to do right by those who depend on him.

A major theme in our conversation is learning when and how to be vulnerable. Leadership often demands steadiness, especially when you know people’s livelihoods are tied to your decisions. When the pressure spikes, he can’t always afford to fall apart. And still, he’s intentional about letting his team see the human being behind the role—often in moments like off-sites or holiday gatherings where the mask naturally comes down.

The Weight of Responsibility and the Loneliness at the Top

That gap between external perception and internal experience creates isolation.

Josh doesn’t describe himself as an optimist. He calls himself a “measured realist,” and that realism comes with a particular kind of emotional load: the persistent awareness of what could go wrong. Over time, the self-doubt doesn’t disappear, it evolves. In some ways, it intensifies.

He reflects on how different it felt in the early years, when the team was small and the consequences were simpler. Now, after 14 years and a staff of about 45, many of whom have been with him eight to ten years, the stakes feel enormous. “It can’t blow up. It can’t go away,” he says. “There’s too much riding on it.”

That pressure shows up in the quiet moments, what he calls the “shower thoughts”, the relentless private questioning: Am I the right person to lead this? Am I making the right decision?

And while people might see the glamour, travel to San Francisco, New York, Europe, they rarely see what it costs. Josh shares a painful example: the first year of his third child’s life, when she mostly knew him through FaceTime. Missed bedtimes. Missed bath time. The moments you can’t put back.

That’s where the deeper existential questions emerge: What’s the point? Am I doing the right thing?

Josh believes the “founder spirit” is often defined by the ability to compartmentalize, to hold grief and purpose at the same time, and to let sacrifice become fuel for something bigger. Ultimately, what he’s chasing isn’t just money. It’s freedom, especially the kind that buys time. The dream isn’t the number in the bank account; it’s being present on a random Wednesday at 4 p.m. for a ballet recital.

The Reluctant Entrepreneur: Formative Moments and Rejection

One of the more surprising parts of Josh’s story is that he doesn’t frame himself as someone who always wanted to be an entrepreneur. He calls himself a “reluctant entrepreneur”, pushed toward building his own path through rejection and disillusionment.

He talks openly about not being a great student and struggling to respect teachers who hadn’t “been there.” Growing up in the ‘90s, he felt disconnected from traditional career narratives and more drawn to creativity and connection. A high school teacher, someone with real-world experience at Ogilvy, saw potential in him and opened a door into advertising.

Then, at 19, his world cracked open.

His parents divorced. His father experienced a serious mental health breakdown. His mother, who had been a career housewife, struggled financially. Josh describes the desperation of those years, including forging a document to receive a college bursary, just to cover food and gas. When that check arrived, around $600 or $800, it became a turning point. He felt a conviction settle into his bones: I will never rely on anyone again. I will be responsible for my own destiny.

That resolve made him focused, but also impatient. He didn’t want to “pay his dues.” He felt corporate culture was skilled at “whack-a-moling” ambitious young talent. Every rejection became a stored source of motivation.

The final push into entrepreneurship came when the company he worked for was sold to private equity. He was repeatedly asked to lay people off members of his own team. With a young family, the emotional cost wrecked him. Taking away someone’s paycheck wasn’t just “business.” It felt personal. It broke something in him and clarified what he didn’t want to be part of.

When the opportunity to co-found his first company appeared, it led to a pivotal conversation with his wife: “If we don’t do it now, when are we going to do it?” Josh credits her support as foundational. She could see that, for him, this wasn’t just ambition. It was purpose. It was happiness. It was the future they wanted.

Grounding and the Blur of Identity

Josh names something many founders feel but rarely say out loud: the way identity fuses with the business. “I am the business, the business is me,” he says. And when you haven’t taken a true vacation in 14 years without work tagging along, it’s easy to start asking dangerous questions in low moments: Am I only what my net worth says I am? Is that all I am?

What counterbalances that, for him, is family. Home life has a way of stripping the illusion off success. No matter what happens professionally, the garbage still needs to go out. Someone still has to get to hockey practice. In that space, you’re not “founder” or “CEO.” You’re Dad. You’re husband. That grounding is part of what helps him keep going without losing himself.

Managing Stress and Seeking Support

Josh is candid about what stress has looked like in his body and behavior: vaping addiction that escalated during COVID, poor diet, sleep deprivation, irritability. He’s developed a framework rooted in a simple truth: two things can be true at the same time . You can be overwhelmed and still grateful. You can feel crushed and still recognize your privilege.

His strategy is to build tools that help him move through emotion faster: to compartmentalize, analyze, embrace, and then release.

He speaks highly of therapy, crediting a long-term therapist with giving him practical tools for processing his internal world. He and his wife also do couples counseling, which he describes as a “tune-up”, maintenance, not emergency. One of his biggest takeaways: learning to ask for what you need has been a major unlock.

And he returns again to the body: movement as release. The gym, for him, isn’t just about fitness, it’s about clarity. Solutions come in post-workout stillness.

Reframing and Resilience

A core element of Josh’s philosophy is reframing. He shares a story about his 12-year-old daughter struggling to make friends after a move. He helped her name the “worst case scenario” and then softened it: if today goes badly, she comes home to a family who loves her, eats ice cream, and tries again tomorrow. That shift didn’t erase the fear, but it made her brave enough to act anyway.

That same resilience shows up in one of his most defining entrepreneurial memories: a time when the company was close to collapse, there was no money for rent, and he felt depleted in every direction. When his partner asked what they were going to do, Josh answered with a kind of stubborn, grounded courage: we’re going to get up, go to the office, and do the best we can, because that’s what we have left. The next morning, a check from their biggest client was waiting.

That moment cemented a belief that has carried him: sometimes the win is simply putting one foot in front of the other.

Lessons for Others and a Legacy of Humility

Josh’s leadership ethos is surprisingly simple: build the kind of company the younger version of you would want to work for. He emphasizes that people don’t really work for companies, they work for people. And when new hires join, he tells them: “You don’t work for me. I work for you.”

When I asked what he would say to a founder quietly burning out, his message was direct: you’re not alone. He urges founders to reach out, to tell the truth, to be vulnerable. He also warns against the glossy mythology of success online. For every Rolex and Lamborghini, there’s often a hidden stack of unpaid credit cards. His advice: live quietly. Let your actions speak.

The legacy he wants most isn’t status, it’s humility. He wants his children to understand that nothing meaningful happens overnight. He uses examples like Olivia Rodrigo’s “overnight success” to reinforce the truth: what looks sudden is usually built on years of effort.

Josh’s mantra is “Fortune favors the brave.” But in his telling, fortune isn’t primarily money. It’s the life he’s created, the family, the freedom, the ability to be present. In the end, he defines wealth in human terms: the family he’s built and the life they get to live.

Connect with Josh

If you would like to connect with Josh, you can find him here:

h ttps://www.linkedin.com/in/josh-rosen-0a81889/

The Power and Challenge of Difficult Conversations

Tue, 20 Jan 2026 20:52:07 GMT

A MENTORING MOMENTS LIVE RECAP

WITH CALEB MATTHEWS

In this month’s Mentoring Moments Live, I had the privilege of sitting down with therapist, advocate, and community leader Caleb Matthews for a heartfelt and wisdom-filled conversation on “The Importance and the Challenge of Having Difficult Conversations.”

Whether you're a therapist, a counseling student, or someone who values meaningful human connection, this session offered a deep well of insight—practical tools, personal stories, and the kind of truth-telling that encourages growth, empathy, and healing.

Meet Caleb Matthews: Therapist, Advocate, Bridge-Builder.

Based in Austin, Texas, Caleb Matthews brings a unique blend of clinical wisdom and community leadership. As previous Board President of The Human Empathy Project , he helps create dialogue between Christian faith leaders and LGBTQ+ individuals. He’s also the founder of What’s My Therapist Reading?, a free book club for mental health professionals.

Certified in EMDR and trained through a scholarship from the Austin Police Department’s Victim Services, Caleb specializes in trauma therapy and has supported survivors of sexual assault and individuals affected by cancer through his work with the Flatwater Foundation .

What stands out most about Caleb isn’t just his impressive resume—it’s his deep capacity for holding space with compassion and integrity.

On Difficult Conversations: Creating Safety, Space, and Change

Caleb began by reminding us that hard conversations don’t have to be confrontational—they can be invitational. He introduced the Diversity Acceptance Continuum , a model that maps people's positions on a spectrum from hatred to advocacy. This framework is especially powerful in faith-based settings, where Caleb facilitates dialogue around gender, sexuality, and theology.

Through storytelling and clinical insight, he encouraged therapists and leaders alike to notice and celebrate the small shifts—when someone moves from discomfort to curiosity, or from silence to speaking out. Change, as he reminded us, is rarely instant. It unfolds over time, often in hidden, sacred spaces.

Empathy, Intersectionality, and Holding Difference

Throughout our dialogue, Caleb returned to the theme of empathy as practice . Quoting researcher Jenna St. David , he shared the “law of empathy”—that empathy must flow downhill, from those with more privilege to those with more marginalization. This, he explained, is how we make space for others to be seen and heard without demanding their emotional labor.

Caleb also talked openly about his own intersectionality—his identities around race, gender, sexuality, and body size—and how these realities shape the way he navigates professional and personal relationships.

We discussed the tensions that can exist within communities too. One participant, Brigid, shared a moment between two LGBTQ+ colleagues who had differing views based on their generational experiences. Caleb responded by highlighting the richness—and challenge—of diversity within identity groups. Empathy, he said, must begin with curiosity.

Conversations That Heal: Church, Identity, and “Clean Pain”

One of the more impactful segments was Caleb’s reflection on his work with churches around LGBTQ+ topics. Drawing from Justin Lee’s book Torn, he explained the “Side A” and “Side B” approaches to same-sex attraction and discussed the importance of defining terms early in any conversation.

He emphasized that information alone rarely shifts deeply held beliefs. What truly transforms people is openness of heart—and that requires the safety of nonjudgmental, relational space.

Referencing Resmaa Menakem’s My Grandmother’s Hands, Caleb introduced the idea of “clean pain” versus “dirty pain.”

Clean pain is the discomfort that comes from growth, truth, and healing. Dirty pain is the pain of avoidance, denial, and disconnection. If we want to grow—personally or collectively—we must learn to tolerate clean pain.

Practical Tools and Self-Care

Caleb closed our session by offering concrete strategies for navigating hard conversations:

Define terms: Clarity creates safety.
Prepare the space: Conversations go better when we feel at ease—walking side by side, riding in a car, or sharing a quiet moment.
Model vulnerability: Be the first to go slow, to listen deeply, and to own your limitations.

And finally, for those doing the work of holding space for others, Caleb stressed the importance of self-care: consultation, therapy, genuine friendships, and grace for your own imperfections.

Final Thoughts

This conversation reminded me that the work of empathy is both sacred and gritty. It requires courage, clarity, and the willingness to get uncomfortable. But in that discomfort, there’s hope—a deeper connection with others and with ourselves.

I’m incredibly grateful to Caleb for his vulnerability, brilliance, and leadership. If you missed this Mentoring Moments Live, I encourage you to watch the replay and share it with a friend.

Let’s keep building bridges. One honest conversation at a time.

Resources Mentioned:

Torn by Justin Lee
My Grandmother’s Hands by Resmaa Menakem
Talking Across the Divide by Justin Lee
“You Can’t Ask That” – TV series on identity and belonging

Follow Caleb Matthews:

The Human Empathy Project
What's My Therapist Reading?

Healing Complex Trauma Through Authentic Relationship

Tue, 20 May 2025 23:20:35 GMT

An Interview with Whitney Sutherland, LPC.

I recently had the opportunity to sit down with Whitney Sutherland, a licensed professional counselor and somatically-oriented psychotherapist in North Austin. We recorded an interview for the Project I Am podcast. Listen here . Whitney has spent years walking with clients through the often hidden terrain of complex and developmental trauma. Her work centers on helping people reconnect with their sense of aliveness, their bodies, and their authentic selves—especially when those parts have been shut down as a result of relational wounding.

What unfolded in our conversation was more than a professional dialogue—it was a shared reflection on the nature of healing, the cost of disconnection, and the transformative power of authentic relationship.

A Calling Rooted in Experience

Whitney shared how her interest in trauma work was born not just out of professional curiosity, but from a deep personal journey. Like many clinicians, she entered the field seeking to understand her own history—growing up in a home where secure attachment was unavailable and where she often reached outside herself for safety and validation.

This early longing for steady, attuned connection led to a lifelong fascination with attachment. Whether through books, films, or relationships, she found herself drawn to stories where healing emerged through safe, consistent connection. That passion now animates her clinical work, where she helps clients rediscover their inner sense of safety and connection after years of disconnection.

What Is Complex Trauma?

While many are familiar with PTSD as a response to a singular event—like a car accident or natural disaster—complex trauma is different. Complex PTSD, or C-PTSD, typically emerges from prolonged exposure to relational trauma, often beginning in childhood. It’s not about one moment, but many moments—repeated experiences of emotional misattunement, abandonment, or abuse.

Whitney explained that complex trauma tends to affect three primary areas:

Affect Dysregulation: Difficulty regulating emotions and physical sensations.
Negative Self-Concept: Internalized shame and a persistent sense of unworthiness.
Impaired Relationships: Patterns of disconnection, people-pleasing, or avoidance rooted in early attachment wounds.

Unlike PTSD, where treatment might focus on resolving a specific traumatic memory, healing complex trauma is about gradually restoring a relationship with parts of the self that were exiled in order to survive.

Trauma as Adaptation, Not Deficit

One of the most powerful insights Whitney offered was this: what we often pathologize as symptoms—chronic anxiety, depression, or relational dysfunction—are not signs of personal failure. They’re signals. Clues pointing to parts of us that had to be shut down, hidden, or over-performed to preserve attachment or safety in a world that didn’t feel safe enough to be real in.

She noted that many people who come to therapy don’t realize how much they’ve internalized the belief that something is wrong with them. These ego-syntonic beliefs—patterns that feel like part of our identity—often go unquestioned because they’ve been with us since childhood.

But the truth is, those strategies were once brilliant. They helped us survive. And the work now isn’t to reject them, but to get curious: are these patterns still serving us? Or are they holding us back?

Reclaiming Our Aliveness

Whitney’s approach, rooted in the NeuroAffective Relational Model (NARM), emphasizes reconnecting with our capacity for agency, choice, and self-compassion. NARM teaches that healing doesn’t come from forcing feelings, overriding boundaries, or pushing for catharsis. It comes from honoring the parts of us that had to disconnect—and offering them the space, presence, and consent they never had.

One insight she shared stood out:

“We don’t grow our capacity by forcing connection. We grow it by honoring our disconnection.”

That means helping clients work with their nervous systems gently, slowly, and with deep respect for their limits. Instead of pathologizing avoidance, Whitney reframes it as a form of self-protection—and teaches clients to listen to what their bodies and emotions are trying to communicate.

Therapy as Relationship, Not Repair Job

Whitney emphasized that true healing doesn’t come from a therapist "fixing" a client—it comes from co-creating a relationship that honors the client’s agency, internal wisdom, and pace.

In her words,

“If we try to control the process or override the client’s inner knowing, we’re just repeating the same harm they came to heal.”

Authenticity—both in clients and therapists—is key. When therapists are able to be present with their own internal experiences, without disconnecting or performing perfection, they model what it looks like to live in self-connection. That congruence creates a space where clients feel safe to do the same.

The Cultural Context of Disconnection

Our conversation also touched on the broader cultural systems that reinforce trauma responses. Whitney noted how society often rewards disconnection—overachievement, self-sacrifice, emotional suppression—while pathologizing natural expressions of need, anger, or grief.

In this way, trauma isn’t just individual; it’s systemic. And healing becomes a form of resistance. A return to what’s real, what’s embodied, and what’s human.

Community as an Antidote to Isolation

Whitney reflected on the importance of supportive professional communities—especially for therapists. So many of us hold space for others in isolation, which can lead to burnout or reenactment of our own patterns. Community offers a space to be witnessed, to stay accountable, and to keep growing in our own authenticity.

One powerful memory she shared was from our graduate days at Texas State, where we took part in a project that explored personal trauma through art. The experience helped reframe trauma not just as something to survive, but something that could be honored as part of a deeper becoming.

A Personal Reflection on Healing

Whitney’s journey has been one of transforming shame into self-trust. From being labeled and medicated as a child to stepping into her truth as a clinician, she’s come to see her relationship with herself as her most sustaining relationship. And that relationship is one that’s still evolving—not toward some fixed destination, but toward deeper trust in the present moment.

She shared that her personal practice now includes regular check-ins: noticing pressure, asking what’s driving her choices, and reflecting on whether she’s showing up from a place of survival or authenticity. These simple but profound moments of self-inquiry form the heart of her ongoing healing.

Final Words for the Journey

When asked what advice she would offer to someone just beginning their healing journey, Whitney offered this gentle truth:

“The ways you learned to disconnect from yourself weren’t your fault. You’re allowed to start right where you are. The fact that you’re even curious about healing means you’re already listening to yourself—and that’s powerful.”

Healing, she reminded us, isn’t linear. It’s relational. It’s messy, non-linear, and sometimes uncertain—but it’s always worthy. And when we’re supported in the right environment, our innate capacity for wholeness begins to emerge.

Learn More

To explore the NARM model or begin your own healing journey with Whitney, here are a few resources she recommends:

U.S.-based NARM Training: www.complextraumatrainingcenter.com
European NARM Training: www.narmtraining.com
Transforming Trauma Podcast by the NARM Institute
Whitney’s website: www.whitneysutherland.com
Email: whitneysutherland@gmail.com

Healing complex trauma is not a quick fix. It’s a slow remembering of what it means to be whole, to be seen, and to be safe in your own body. And as Whitney so beautifully reminded us—when we can embrace all parts of ourselves with tenderness, we begin to welcome others more fully too.

That, perhaps, is the deepest healing of all.

Listen to the Project I Am podcast here.

Two Recent Graduates Launch an Initiative Sweeping the Student Counselor Coummunity

Tue, 01 Apr 2025 15:19:54 GMT

Counselor Success and Support Initiative

In a recent Project I Am podcast interview, I sat with Sonata Miles and Tessa Myers and discussed the launch and success of Counselor Support and Success Initiative (CSSI). We explored the dynamic evolution of their work—its roots, its reach, and the exciting road ahead. What began as a grassroots study group has become a robust professional collective offering resources, guidance, and community for counseling students and early-career professionals across the country.

From Chaos to Community: The Growth of CSSI

What started as a small online study group for the NCE has grown from two members to over 2,000, thanks in large part to the visionary leadership of Sonata and Tessa. Their strategic organization—creating calendar tabs, adding structured sessions, and inviting professionals to host focused prep classes—transformed a chaotic group chat into a thriving hub for support and success. Counselor Support and Success Initiative (CSSI) is a nationwide community dedicated to supporting aspiring counselors. They're passionate about helping future counselors prepare for the NCE, NCHCE and CPCE through affordable, high-quality resources. They offer a range of support, including Zoom study sessions, peer-led tutoring, and professional classes designed to enhance your exam prep. Our resources are accessible and tailored to meet the needs of future counselors.

Now, CSSI offers a one-time $8 membership fee that opens the door to small group tutoring, domain-specific prep, and 24/7 community engagement through live chat. From movie nights and trivia games to study accountability and career planning, CSSI is more than a resource—it’s a family.

Emotional Resilience, Practical Wisdom

One major theme of our discussion was emotional resilience. We explored resources, including study guides, guest tutors, and counseling interventions that help teach emotional regulation, and discussed the value of ongoing professional development through books like Core Interventions Across Counseling Modalities.

Counseling is sacred, complex work that demands not just training but stamina.

Sonata also shared a powerful new idea: developing animated content to teach emotional regulation specifically for children of color. As a creative educator, she’s already building characters and stories that bring this vision to life.

New Voices, New Paths

It was an honor to spotlight new professionals like Sonata (Indianapolis, IN) and CSSI (San Antonio, TX), both recent graduates in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. Their passion for trauma work, commitment to EMDR and IFS certification, and collaborative spirit are shaping the next chapter of this profession. They met online while preparing for the NCE—and now they’re helping others pass it.

We also reflected on the challenges between graduation and licensure. The support CSSI provides during this liminal space is vital—and together, we’re working to close that gap with mentoring, structure, and encouragement .

As CSSI continues to grow, so does its visibility. Sonata and Tessa also insights from their own podcasting journeys, and we talked about future collaborations—retreats, guest speaking, and book promotion.

A Season of Harvest

This initiative is more than a project—it’s a movement. We’re helping each other build sustainable, ethical, and heartfelt practices in counseling.

As they shared during our meeting:

Sometimes, you can feel your star rising—you know when you're entering a new season. With CSSI, we’re all rising together.

More about Sonata

Sonata Miles is a pre-licensed professional and recent graduate of Capella University, where she earned her Master of Science in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. She is dedicated to supporting individuals through life’s challenges using evidence-based approaches such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), Person-Centered Therapy, and Multicultural Counseling. Her style is warm, collaborative, and rooted in the belief that clients thrive when they feel seen, heard, and empowered.

Sonata is also one of the driving forces behind the Counselor Support and Success Initiative (CSSI), a thriving peer-led community supporting future counselors through study groups, low-cost tutoring, and meaningful professional connections. CSSI continues to grow as a trusted space for future mental health professionals, with resources designed to uplift, educate, and inspire.

More about Tessa

Tessa Myers is a Licensed Professional Counselor Associate in San Antonio, Texas, specializing in trauma-informed care. She integrates EMDR and Internal Family Systems (IFS) to support meaningful healing and lasting growth. Tessa helps clients reconnect with their core and uncover their true selves, fostering clarity, confidence, and inner stability. She also founded the Counselor Support and Success Initiative (CSSI), a collaborative community designed to help future counselors pass the NCE and bridge the gap from graduation to licensure, offering resources, guidance, and a strong network of support.

Whether working directly with clients or building community through CSSI, Tessa brings authenticity, heart, and a strong commitment to growth.

Links:

Join them in the Counselor Support & Success Initiative (CSSI): CPCE/NCE & NCMHCE Study Group on Facebook!

The one-time $8 Community fee can be sent via:
• CashApp: $CSSInitiative
• Venmo: @CSSInitiative

Look out for the upcoming podcast of my interview with the here:

https://rss.com/podcasts/project-i-am-with-dr-david-j-schlosz

or on Apple Podcasts here:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/project-i-am/id1777441455

Leading with Pride

Sun, 30 Mar 2025 15:20:51 GMT

Dr. Charles Heaton on Identity, Inclusion, and the Power of Vulnerability

In a recent episode of Project I Am , I had the profound honor of sitting down with Dr. Charles Heaton—an accomplished educator, seasoned leader, world traveler, and proud member of the LGBTQ+ community. Our conversation wasn’t just an interview; it was an invitation into a deeply personal journey of self-discovery, authenticity, and the transformative power of inclusive leadership.

A Recent visit to Tokyo

Our discussion kicked off with lighter reflections on Charles’ recent trip to Tokyo—a city that left a lasting impression on him. “The food was incredible,” Charles shared with a smile. “There’s a kind of artistry to everything—how meals are prepared, how people interact. I came back with such a deep appreciation for the culture. I’m already planning to go back next year.”

Travel, for Charles, is more than a hobby—it’s a way to reflect, recharge, and connect with the world beyond education.

From Principal to Assistant Superintendent

But the heart of our conversation delved into Charles’ professional and personal evolution. From being a school principal in Los Angeles to his current role as an assistant superintendent in Phoenix, Charles has walked a path shaped by resilience, intentionality, and integrity.

“Moving to Phoenix was a big shift,” he said. “But I’ve found joy in building people up—teachers, staff, students. Leadership isn’t about hierarchy for me; it’s about empowering others.”

His role may have changed, but his mission remains rooted in equity and empathy.

Coming Out in Education: A Personal Reckoning

As a gay man in education, Charles’ journey hasn’t always been easy. Early in his career, he felt an immense pressure to remain closeted.

“I remember thinking, ‘If they find out, will I lose everything I’ve worked for?’” Charles recalled. “There was this unspoken rule—you could be gay, but you couldn’t be too visible.”

He described how his identity often felt like something he had to manage instead of embrace. That all started to shift during his time at the University of Virginia.

“It was the first time I felt like I could just be me—fully me,” he said. “That environment gave me the courage to stop separating my personal identity from my professional role.”

The Power of Representation and Mentorship

Charles spoke candidly about the lack of LGBTQ+ role models in education during his formative years.

“I never saw a gay principal, or a queer superintendent. Not once. And I realize now how much that absence affected me.”

But one mentor changed that trajectory. “She identified as a lesbian and was the first person who saw all of me—not just the professional me. I didn’t have to code-switch. I didn’t have to explain.” Their mentorship helped Charles feel seen, supported, and encouraged to imagine new possibilities for his leadership. He now hopes to pay that gift forward.

“I want to be that person for someone else. I want to show younger LGBTQ+ educators that you can lead, and you do belong.”

Leadership Rooted in Identity

Throughout our conversation, one theme kept rising to the surface: Charles’ leadership style is deeply informed by his lived experience as a gay man.

“Being gay has made me more sensitive to people who feel like outsiders,” he said. “It’s made me more intentional about creating environments where people can bring their full selves.”

He shared a powerful story about a nonbinary teacher who put up pride flags in their classroom shortly after a national election. The flags sparked discomfort and miscommunication within the school community. Charles stepped in—not just to manage the situation, but to lead with compassion.

“I saw someone trying to be visible, trying to be seen. And I knew what that felt like. So I mediated the situation, but I also created space for dialogue, not discipline. That’s what leadership should look like.”

Celebrating All Identities

Charles is a strong advocate for sustained, inclusive dialogue around diverse identities in schools—not just performative nods during awareness months.

“We celebrate Asian Pacific Islander Heritage Month and Human Rights Month, but we can’t ignore LGBTQ+ voices,” he emphasized. “It’s not about being politically correct—it’s about being human.”

He also challenged the normalization of Christian-centric celebrations in public schools. “I once suggested we move away from Christmas decorations in our district’s schools. Some people weren’t happy, but I reminded them—we serve all families. Inclusion means everyone feels seen.”

Feedback, Reflection, and Growth

One story that struck me was when Charles described a parent expressing concern about music played in a kindergarten classroom. The parent believed the content was inappropriate for five-year-olds.

“I agreed,” Charles said honestly. “And I used that moment to talk with the teacher about feedback and reflection. We all make missteps, but we grow through dialogue.”

His humility in leadership was palpable. I reflected to him that perhaps his experiences as a gay man had given him a heightened sense of empathy and an ability to lead with both strength and softness. He paused and nodded.

“I think being vulnerable has made me a better leader. I know what it means to carry something quietly. So I lead with that in mind.”

Advice for LGBTQ+ Educators: “Find Your People”

When I asked Charles what advice he’d give to LGBTQ+ educators—especially those working in small towns or conservative districts—his message was both hopeful and practical.

“Find your people. They’re out there,” he urged. “There are Facebook groups, LinkedIn communities, even Instagram accounts for queer educators, principals, and superintendents.”

He added, “Don’t wait for support to come to you—go find it. And keep knocking on doors until someone opens one.” Charles emphasized the importance of coaching and mentorship for queer educators: “If you can find someone who shares your identity and your experience, that kind of connection is gold.”

On Running, Reflection, and Balance

Outside of work, Charles finds peace in running. He’s completed 29 marathons and is preparing for his 30th.

“Running gives me space to think, to breathe, to let go. It’s a form of meditation for me.”

It’s also a metaphor for his journey—one of endurance, self-discipline, and discovery.

A Conversation of Vulnerability and Strength

Our conversation ended on a note of reflection and gratitude. Charles opened up about the tension between his public role and his private self.

“I don’t usually share this much of my story,” he admitted. “But this space felt safe. And I think more of us need to share—because there’s power in being seen.”

I couldn’t agree more. Conversations like this remind us that leadership is not just about policies or metrics—it’s about people, stories, and the courage to live and lead authentically.

To every educator, leader, or listener out there navigating the intersection of identity and purpose: you are not alone. Your story matters. And your voice has power.

Way you be well,

David

Host, Project I Am

Listen to the full episode featuring Dr. Charles Heaton
Connect with Dr. Heaton on LinkedIn

Apple Podcasts here: Project I Am

RSS Podcasts here: Project I Am

Holding Space and Staying True

Fri, 28 Mar 2025 18:03:10 GMT

An Intimate Conversation with Dr. Rachelle Smith on Black Womanhood, Leadership, and Inclusive Transformation in Academia

“Be yourself. Even when it’s costly. Especially when it’s costly.”

– Dr. Rachelle Smith

I recently had the extraordinary privilege of sitting down with Dr. Rachelle Smith—counselor, scholar, higher education leader, wife, mother, and advocate for justice—to discuss her journey in academia as a Black woman, her research on inclusive excellence, and the life values that sustain her.

What unfolded was far more than a professional interview. It was a deeply human conversation about faith, family, leadership, and the emotional labor of working in spaces that were never built for you. We laughed, reflected, explored painful truths, and imagined hopeful futures. And in the end, I walked away profoundly moved—not only by her brilliance but by her heart.

This article is both a tribute to that conversation and an invitation to listen deeply to the voices of Black women leading transformation in quiet, consistent, and courageous ways.

“I Didn’t Plan to Be Here, But I Belong Here”: Rachelle’s Unexpected Calling into Counseling

Dr. Smith didn’t set out to become a counselor. Like many of us, her journey was shaped more by the quiet nudges of life than a five-year plan. Yet when she found the field, she recognized something familiar: a place where deep listening, empathy, and the honoring of lived experience were not just welcomed—they were necessary.

“I fell in love with counseling,” she shared. “It gave me language for what I had always done naturally.”

Her deep respect for stories—especially the ones people don’t always feel safe to tell—has become a guiding thread in her work, whether she’s mentoring students, assessing institutional equity, or parenting her children.

And while her professional ascent has been marked by impressive accomplishments, it’s her ability to remain grounded in her values that most stood out to me during our conversation.

The Invisible Burden: What It Means to Be a Black Woman in Academia

There’s a particular kind of emotional labor that comes with being a Black woman in predominantly white academic spaces—one that Dr. Smith articulated with both candor and clarity.

“There’s this constant filtering that people do,” she explained. “They see my credentials, my title, my work—and they still interpret it through their preconceived ideas of what a Black woman is.”

She recalled moments of being underestimated, silenced, or read as “aggressive” when simply asserting boundaries. Code-switching—adjusting how she spoke, dressed, or presented herself—offered no guarantee of safety or acceptance.

“I realized,” she said, “that no amount of self-censoring could stop people from seeing me through their own lens. So why not just be authentic?”

That authenticity has become both her armor and her invitation to others. Rather than contorting herself to fit institutions, Rachelle challenges institutions to stretch toward her—and toward others who’ve historically been excluded.

Her courage to “stay true, even when it’s costly” is one of the most powerful leadership lessons I’ve ever encountered.

Faith, Family, and the Power of Saying “No”

Our conversation took a beautiful turn as we talked about balance. Dr. Smith is not only a respected scholar and administrator—she’s also a wife and a mother. During the pandemic, like many working parents, she had a reckoning.

“I realized how much I had been absent—not just physically, but emotionally,” she said. “I was giving everything to work and leaving scraps for the people who mattered most.”

The impact was sobering. And liberating.

Rachelle began practicing the sacred art of saying “no.” She re-centered her family, her health, her spiritual life. She and her husband—a fellow public servant—created a shared vision for their home and careers, treating their marriage like a collaborative project grounded in mutual support and clear communication.

“We don’t compete with each other’s success,” she told me. “We make room for it.”

In an era where hustle culture often glorifies burnout, Dr. Smith’s approach offers something revolutionary: wholeness over performance, presence over applause.

Respecting the Pain of Others: A Call to Conscious Allyship

One story Rachelle shared has stayed with me. She was at the gym, and overheard another woman speaking on her cellphone about the injustices she was witnessing unfold all around her in today's political climate. The conversation reminded Rachelle that there are allies everywhere that we may not even be aware of.

Her point was to emphasize the importance of active listening and standing up for others, even when it’s uncomfortable. Rachelle believes leadership—and indeed humanity—requires us to get proximate to the pain of others and not look away.

Whether in her leadership role or in everyday conversations, she models this proximity. She doesn’t wait for people to “deserve” empathy. She simply offers it, as a radical act of care.

Inclusive Excellence: Rachelle’s Research and Institutional Courage

Dr. Smith’s academic research is as bold as it is brilliant.

Drawing on Dr. William Cross’s theory of Nigrescence —which maps out the identity development of Black individuals—Rachelle had the insight to apply this framework to institutions themselves. She asked: What does it look like for a university to go through identity development? Can a campus experience a kind of awakening around race, inclusion, and equity?

Her framework for Inclusive Excellence Assessment offered a new lens: rather than assessing equity in terms of outputs or checkboxes, she examined how deeply an institution had internalized justice at the identity level.

While some institutions embraced her model, others resisted. Her work challenged the status quo—and that made people uncomfortable.

Still, she presses on. She knows her research has the power to transform not just policies, but hearts.

Advice to Women of Color: “Don’t Stay in Spaces That Don’t Value You”

As we neared the end of our conversation, I asked Rachelle what wisdom she might offer to other women of color navigating spaces where their brilliance is often ignored or resisted.

Her response was gentle but firm.

“Don’t tolerate spaces that don’t value you. Seek out appreciation, not just tolerance. And talk to God about everything—your health, your relationships, your career. Let Him be part of it all.”

Her words reminded me of a gospel song I heard as a child—one that spoke of God’s attentive love for even the smallest sparrow. In Rachelle’s theology, there is no area too mundane or too messy for divine attention. And that’s exactly what makes her leadership so rare: it is deeply spiritual, deeply rooted.

Because stories like Rachelle’s matter. They are not only medicine for the soul—they are maps for the road ahead.

Final Words

Dr. Rachelle Smith is a rare kind of leader—unapologetically brilliant, deeply grounded, and fiercely compassionate. She reminds us that leadership is not about climbing ladders, but about clearing paths. Not about being palatable, but about being true.

In a world that so often asks Black women to shrink, to defer, or to prove their worth, Rachelle offers a liberating alternative: Be who you are. Lead with love. Say no when you need to. And never let someone else’s comfort cost you your voice.

I’m grateful beyond words for her wisdom, and I can’t wait for you to hear more when the full podcast episode is released. Until then, I hope this reflection stirs something in you—as it did in me.

Let’s keep building spaces where truth, joy, and justice are not just welcome—but expected.

Stay connected:

Follow me on LinkedIn for updates: https://www.linkedin.com/in/davidschlosz/

Subscribe to the Project I Am podcast: https://rss.com/podcasts/project-i-am-with-dr-david-j-schlosz/

Reach out if you’d like to join our monthly Mentoring Moments sessions.

Bridging Faith and Mental Health

Fri, 14 Mar 2025 22:59:28 GMT

A Conversation with Pastor April on the Evolving Needs of Christians

On the latest episode of the Project I AM podcast, I sat down with my longtime friend and colleague, Pastor April Karli, for an insightful and heartfelt conversation about mental health within Christian communities. What started as a casual catch-up between two friends quickly evolved into an important dialogue on the spiritual and emotional well-being of believers today.

Old Friends, New Conversations

April and I opened the conversation in our usual style—informal, light-hearted, and real. We laughed about life’s everyday balancing acts—like helping my daughter Zoe with car maintenance during her hectic work schedule. April joked about how she’s all for gender roles, at least when it gets her out of inconvenient tasks! We also traded updates on our families. My sons, Noah and Levi, came up—Noah’s enjoying his spring break, while Levi, in a move that made us both proud, recently took his SATs and is exploring life with wisdom and courage well beyond his years.

But soon, the conversation shifted gears as April shared about her role as Lead Pastor at Austin Mustard Seed Church. Her journey there is anything but traditional. She stepped into leadership unexpectedly six years ago when the founding pastor left. Since then, April has guided the church through profound changes, including transitioning from a conventional Sunday morning service to an intimate Sunday evening dinner church. As a female lead pastor—particularly one who grew up a pastor’s kid—April has faced her share of challenges, especially within church traditions that have not always welcomed women in leadership.

Dismantling Misogyny and Building New Spaces

One of the things April is most passionate about is creating a church community that actively works to dismantle misogyny and patriarchal structures. It hasn’t always been easy. April was candid about losing members over decisions like editing gendered language out of prayers and creating space for conversations about power dynamics. But she sees this work as an act of love, and as she put it, “an intentional labor” that fosters healing and belonging.

Naming the Wounds: Spiritual Abuse and Its Impact on Mental Health

When we dove into the mental health needs of Christians today, April named something we both see often in our respective roles: spiritual abuse. She described it as harm inflicted by people in spiritual authority, often under the guise of “helping.” The consequences can be devastating—anxiety, depression, self-doubt, and an eroded ability to trust oneself or others. What makes it uniquely painful is the spiritual dimension. When the abuse comes from someone who claims to speak for God, it cuts deeper and complicates the path to healing.

April stressed how hard it can be for survivors of spiritual abuse to seek help within their church community, which is often where the harm originated. It’s a call to church leaders to become safe, trustworthy people—something April has worked tirelessly to embody.

Breaking the Stigma: Embracing Mental Health Resources in Faith Communities

We talked about the lingering stigma in some Christian circles toward mental health professionals. In certain churches or “tribes,” as April put it, there’s suspicion toward psychiatrists or counselors. Some believers are encouraged to just “white-knuckle it” through mental health struggles, relying solely on prayer and personal willpower. April rejected that mindset wholeheartedly, pointing to a more holistic understanding of the human experience. The Bible speaks to the integration of mind, body, and spirit. If one part suffers, the whole person suffers—and seeking help from professionals, whether therapists, psychiatrists, or through medication, can be an act of faith and stewardship.

Pastoral Counseling and the Need for Better Training

One area where April and I found deep agreement was in the limitations of pastoral counseling. Many pastors simply aren’t trained to address serious mental health issues. While spiritual guidance is invaluable, there’s a real need for clergy to refer people to trained mental health professionals when appropriate. We discussed how Christian clients can sometimes hesitate to seek therapy, feeling torn between their faith and their mental health needs. It’s why community, trust, and understanding are so vital in the healing process.

Practicing Discernment and Reclaiming Trust

April spoke powerfully about discernment—about learning to trust oneself again after spiritual abuse or toxic church experiences. She reflected on the importance of questioning inherited beliefs and exploring how we might create God in our own image, whether knowingly or not. She also shared her admiration for author Barbara Brown Taylor, a retired Episcopalian priest, and the ways Taylor invites people to find God in nature, suggesting that reconnecting with creation can be an important part of spiritual healing.

Bridging the Gap Between Clergy and Therapists

One of the most hopeful parts of our conversation was the vision April and I share for better collaboration between clergy and therapists. While there can be misunderstandings on both sides, April believes—and I agree—that when pastors and mental health professionals work together, we can offer truly holistic care. April generously offered her time to consult with therapists working with Christian clients—her email is in be in the podcast notes also below for anyone interested.

Moving Forward: Encouraging Collaboration and Growth

As we wrapped up, we talked about the future. April mentioned a potential collaboration with consultant Jim Pace, someone who’s helped churches across the theological spectrum. I shared a little about my new children’s book and the live sessions I’m offering for counseling students. We also reflected on what drives human behavior—fear being at the heart of so much hatred and division—and how the work we do, in ministry and counseling alike, is ultimately about healing that fear.

We ended, as old friends do, with plans for coffee soon and gratitude for the ongoing conversation.

Final Thoughts

This conversation with Pastor April illuminated so many of the complexities and opportunities at the intersection of faith and mental health. As Christians and therapists, pastors and laypeople, we all have a role to play in fostering healing and dismantling barriers to mental wellness. My hope is that April’s insights inspire you to be part of this important work—whether in your church, your practice, or your own life.

Listen to the full episode here.

More about April

April Karli is a lifetime resident of Austin, Texas. She has been a pastor at Austin Mustard Seed for six years. As a PK (pastor's kid) she spent her life in the church, and has served in leadership roles in a variety of churches throughout her adult life. April has a heart for people who have been wounded by their experiences in church settings and longs to see them find healing. She's been married to Matt for 27 years. They have two grown daughters and two dogs. She prefers tea over coffee.

Austin Mustard Seed: https://www.austinmustardseed.org/

April's socials: Insta: https://www.instagram.com/aprilkarli/
Thr e ads: https://www.threads.net/@aprilkarli

Resources:

These are therapists and resources who are Christians, and licensed therapists, who write and talk about the intersection of mental health and faith:
Aundi Kolber https://aundikolber.com/

Chuck DeGroat https://www.chuckdegroat.net/

Broken to Beloved https://www.brokentobeloved.org/

The Over-Anthropomorphism of God

Sun, 09 Mar 2025 02:45:52 GMT

HOW WE HAVE LIMITED THE DIVINE

The idea that humans were created in the image of God is foundational in many spiritual traditions. However, in our attempt to understand the divine, we have returned the favor—we have crafted God in our own image. This process, known as anthropomorphism, has profoundly shaped our spiritual, ethical, and environmental outlook.

Anthropomorphism is the attribution of human traits, emotions, and intentions to non-human entities, including animals, nature, and, most notably, God. While this can be a helpful tool for understanding the divine in relatable ways, it has also led to a narrowing of the divine mystery. By confining God within human-like characteristics—such as being a male ruler, judge, or warrior—we have separated God from the vastness of creation. This separation has had profound consequences, including the diminishing of our sense of wonder and a disconnection from the sacredness of the natural world.

The Anthropomorphism of God: A Limiting View

Throughout history, different cultures have personified the divine in ways that reflect their own societal structures. In Western religious traditions, God is often depicted as a powerful male figure—one who commands, rewards, and punishes. This is understandable, as humans naturally conceptualize the unknown using familiar frameworks. However, when taken too far, this anthropomorphism has boxed God into an image that mirrors human limitations rather than divine transcendence.

In the Abrahamic traditions, Genesis 1:27 states,

“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.”

This passage has often been interpreted as affirming a personal, human-like deity. However, many mystical traditions suggest a different perspective: that being made in the image of God is less about a physical resemblance and more about embodying divine qualities such as love, creativity, and consciousness.

Hinduism offers a counterbalance to rigid anthropomorphism through its concept of Brahman, the ultimate reality that transcends all forms and definitions. The Upanishads describe Brahman as “neti, neti”—not this, not that—implying that God is beyond all human concepts. Similarly, in the Taoist tradition, the Tao Te Ching states, “The Tao that can be named is not the eternal Tao.” These insights remind us that the divine is vast, formless, and beyond human constraints.

The Consequence: Separation from Creation

One of the unintended consequences of over-anthropomorphizing God is the division between Creator and creation. Many religious traditions that have emphasized God as a separate being—a cosmic ruler watching from above—have inadvertently distanced the sacred from the natural world. This dualistic thinking has led to a diminished reverence for the environment.

For example, some interpretations of Christian theology have emphasized dominion over the Earth rather than stewardship. Genesis 1:28 states, “God blessed them and said to them, ‘Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.’” When read through an anthropocentric lens, this passage has been used to justify exploitation rather than care for the environment.

Contrast this with Indigenous spiritual traditions, which often emphasize the interconnectedness of all life. The Lakota phrase Mitákuye Oyás’iŋ, meaning “all my relations,” reflects the understanding that humanity is deeply connected to the Earth, animals, and the cosmos. Similarly, in Hinduism, the Earth is regarded as Bhūmi Devi, a goddess deserving of reverence and care.

These perspectives challenge the notion of a separate, human-like God and instead present the divine as an omnipresent force flowing through all of creation.

Restoring Mystery and Wonder

When we reduce God to a mere reflection of ourselves, we lose the sense of mystery and awe that makes spirituality transformative. The divine, in its truest form, is not confined to human characteristics but is an infinite, creative force present in everything.

Reclaiming a more expansive view of God allows us to rekindle our reverence for nature. When we see the divine in the rivers, trees, and stars, our relationship with the Earth shifts from one of control to one of sacred responsibility. This perspective aligns with what many mystics have long understood—that God is not separate from creation but within it.

In the words of the 13th-century Sufi poet Rumi, “Don’t look for God in mosques and temples. He is everywhere, within your heart and in the natural world.” Similarly, the Psalms declare, “The heavens declare the glory of God; the skies proclaim the work of his hands” (Psalm 19:1). These insights remind us that divinity is not confined to human-like form but radiates through the entire cosmos.

Expanding Our Vision of the Divine

The over-anthropomorphism of God has shaped how we relate to the divine, often leading to a view that is too small, too human, and too disconnected from the natural world. By expanding our understanding of God beyond human characteristics, we can rediscover the sacred in all things.

If we move beyond the notion of God as merely a ruler or judge and instead embrace the divine as an all-encompassing presence, we open ourselves to deeper awe, wisdom, and responsibility. This shift not only enriches our spiritual lives but also compels us to care for the Earth as an expression of the divine itself. In doing so, we may begin to see the world, not as something to dominate, but as something sacred to cherish—a living testament to the creative force that breathes through all things.

The Power of Ichigo Ichie, Ikigai, and Kaizen

Wed, 26 Feb 2025 17:45:39 GMT

Embracing the Present, Finding Purpose, and Growing Daily

Life moves fast, and it’s easy to get caught up in distractions, routines, and future worries. But what if there was a way to slow down, find deeper meaning, and continuously improve—all while staying present in the moment?

Welcome to the world of Ichigo Ichie, Ikigai, and Kaizen —three powerful Japanese philosophies that offer a blueprint for a more intentional, fulfilling, and growth-oriented life. These principles, deeply rooted in Japanese culture, help us cherish every experience, find our purpose, and commit to lifelong improvement.

Let’s dive into how you can apply Ichigo Ichie (living in the moment), Ikigai (finding purpose), and Kaizen (continuous improvement) to transform your mindset and daily habits.

Ichigo Ichie: The Art of Being Present

What is Ichigo Ichie?

Ichigo Ichie (一期一会) translates to “one time, one meeting” or “once in a lifetime.” This philosophy originates from the Japanese tea ceremony and is influenced by Zen Buddhism. It teaches us to embrace each moment as if it will never happen again. Every experience—whether big or small—is unique and should be fully appreciated.

In essence, Ichigo Ichie is about being present, mindful, and grateful for each encounter in life. Even if you meet the same people or visit the same places, the experience will always be slightly different. Recognizing this makes every moment special.

Real-World Examples of Ichigo Ichie

The Japanese Tea Ceremony
In a traditional tea ceremony, each step—from preparing the tea to serving it—is done with deep intention. The host and guests cherish the experience, knowing it will never be repeated in exactly the same way.
A Modern-Day Application
Imagine having dinner with close friends. Instead of being glued to your phone or thinking about tomorrow’s to-do list, you fully engage in the moment—listening, laughing, and savoring the conversation. This is Ichigo Ichie in action.
The ‘Last Time’ Perspective
What if you approached every experience as if it were the last time? The last time you watch a sunset from your favorite spot, the last time you hug a loved one, or the last time you enjoy a home-cooked meal. This perspective shifts your focus from autopilot to deep appreciation.

How to Practice Ichigo Ichie Daily

Put Away Distractions: Turn off your phone when spending time with loved ones. Engage deeply in conversations.
Savor Small Moments: Notice the taste of your morning coffee, the sound of birds chirping, or the warmth of sunlight on your skin.
Practice Gratitude: Recognize that each moment is fleeting and be thankful for it.
Create Mindful Rituals: Brew tea slowly, light a candle before journaling, or enjoy a quiet walk without distractions.
Keep a ‘Moment Journal’: Write down one moment you truly cherished each day. Over time, this will train your mind to appreciate life’s little joys.

Ikigai: Finding Your Life’s Purpose

What is Ikigai?

Ikigai (生き甲斐) means “reason for being” or “life’s purpose.” It is the intersection of:

What you love (passion)
What you are good at (vocation)
What the world needs (mission)
What you can be paid for (profession)

When all these align, you experience deep fulfillment and motivation —a reason to wake up every morning with excitement.

Real-World Examples of Ikigai

Okinawa and Longevity
Okinawa, Japan, is home to some of the longest-living people in the world. Studies show that many Okinawans continue working or pursuing their hobbies well into old age because it gives them purpose—whether that’s farming, teaching, or community involvement.
Steve Jobs and Ikigai
Though not Japanese, Steve Jobs embodied Ikigai. He loved technology ( passion ), was skilled in innovation ( vocation ), created world-changing products ( mission ), and was financially successful ( profession ). His purpose-driven approach led to groundbreaking advancements in technology.

How to Discover Your Ikigai

Ask yourself:
What do I love doing?
What am I naturally good at?
How can I contribute to the world?
Can I make a living from it?
Start small —Ikigai doesn’t have to be a grand mission. It can be as simple as teaching, cooking, or helping others.
Create a four-circle Ikigai diagram —Write answers in each section and look for overlaps.

How to Apply Ikigai in Your Life

Reflect on Your Passion and Strengths: List activities that make you feel energized and fulfilled.
Start Small: You don’t need a life-changing mission. Find small ways to bring meaning into your daily routine.
Create a Morning Purpose Routine: Each morning, ask yourself: What is one thing I can do today that aligns with my Ikigai?
Be Open to Change: Your Ikigai will evolve over time. Keep exploring new interests and career paths.

Kaizen: The Power of Continuous Improvement

What is Kaizen?

Kaizen (改善) means “continuous improvement.” Instead of focusing on drastic, unsustainable changes, Kaizen encourages small, consistent improvements over time.

This philosophy, originally developed in post-war Japan, became the foundation of Toyota’s production system , where employees suggest small daily improvements that enhance efficiency. The same principle applies to personal growth.

Real-World Examples of Kaizen

James Clear’s 1% Rule
In Atomic Habits, James Clear explains that improving by just 1% each day compounds into massive growth over time.
Weight Loss & Fitness
Instead of crash dieting, Kaizen suggests small, sustainable changes —such as adding 10 minutes of exercise to your routine or drinking more water daily.

How to Apply Kaizen for Personal Growth

Start Small – The 1% Rule

Don’t aim for drastic changes. Instead, improve just 1% daily —it compounds over time.
Instead of saying, “I want to read more books,” start by reading just one page per day.

Set Mini Goals

Instead of “I want to save $5,000 this year,” try “I’ll save $5 today.”
Small wins build momentum and confidence.

Track Progress

Use a simple habit tracker or journal to measure small improvements.
Example: If learning a new language, track how many new words you learn each week.

Adopt a Growth Mindset

Kaizen is about progress, not perfection.
Mistakes are opportunities to learn, not failures.

Apply Kaizen in Any Area of Life

Career: Learn one new skill each month.
Health: Swap one unhealthy food for a nutritious one.
Relationships: Spend an extra 5 minutes daily truly listening to loved ones.

Final Thoughts: A Life of Presence, Purpose, and Progress

By embracing Ichigo Ichie, Ikigai, and Kaizen , you can transform the way you live.

Ichigo Ichie teaches us to cherish every moment.
Ikigai helps us find deep meaning and fulfillment.
Kaizen reminds us that small improvements lead to lasting success.

Try applying just one of these concepts today and see how it shifts your mindset. Remember— life isn’t about perfection, it’s about progress.

Would love to hear your thoughts! Which of these concepts resonates most with you? Let’s start the conversation in the comments.

Breaking the Silence on Impostor Syndrome

Sat, 22 Feb 2025 01:21:31 GMT

A Conversation with Counselor and Researcher Whitney White

Impostor syndrome—it’s a phrase that many professionals, including counselors, are intimately familiar with. The persistent feeling of self-doubt, the fear of being exposed as a "fraud," even in the face of overwhelming evidence of competence, is something that plagues individuals across various fields. But what happens when a counselor, someone trained in self-awareness and emotional intelligence, experiences it?

In this candid interview, Whitney White, a counselor based in Tennessee and a PhD student researching impostor syndrome, opens up about her journey, her struggles, and her research into this deeply personal and widely experienced phenomenon. From her early steps into the counseling profession to her rigorous PhD program, Whitney shares her insights into impostor syndrome, the challenges of academia, and how counselors can navigate feelings of doubt while helping others.

A Counselor’s Journey: Finding Her Calling

Whitney’s path to counseling was not entirely linear. Like many psychology undergraduates, she found herself at a crossroads after earning her bachelor's degree, unsure of her next step. Taking a year off gave her the space she needed to reevaluate her future.

“I felt really stuck during that time,” Whitney recalls. “I was in a job I didn’t enjoy, and I kept thinking, ‘I should be doing more.’”

That word— should —a common red flag of self-imposed pressure, would later become a central theme in her understanding of impostor syndrome. Eventually, counseling presented itself as the right path, aligning with her passion for helping others.

Coming from a family of helpers, including a mother in law enforcement, Whitney always had an inclination to support and guide people. Once she entered her master’s program in counseling, everything clicked. For the first time in her academic career, she excelled. “I realized that I loved it, and it was obvious that this was the right field for me,” she says.

The Leap to a PhD: More Than Just a Degree

While many counselors build their careers in clinical practice, Whitney felt drawn to academia. Transitioning straight from her master’s program into a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision, she quickly learned that doctoral studies were a completely different ball game.

“This has been one of the most humbling experiences of my life,” she admits. “I went from feeling competent in my master’s program to suddenly feeling like a beginner all over again.”

The PhD program, particularly the shift from clinical work to academic research, pushed Whitney out of her comfort zone. Writing at a doctoral level, designing a research study, and preparing a dissertation presented new challenges, reinforcing her own experience with impostor syndrome.

“I had to learn how to take constant feedback without internalizing it as a personal failure,” she says. “It’s a completely different skill set, and there were moments where I questioned if I belonged here.”

Why Study Impostor Syndrome? A Personal Connection

Whitney’s decision to research impostor syndrome wasn’t a pre-planned passion—it was a topic she stumbled upon in a moment of vulnerability.

“I initially proposed a different research topic, but I felt completely out of my depth,” she confesses.

“I was experiencing impostor syndrome in real-time.”

Her mentor recognized this and suggested she explore the topic academically. Whitney dove into existing research and quickly realized its relevance—not just to her, but to the counseling field at large.

Impostor syndrome, or impostor phenomenon , is characterized by persistent self-doubt and the inability to internalize achievements, despite clear evidence of competence. Whitney’s research focuses on how self-concept influences impostor syndrome among clinical counselor supervisors —a gap she identified in the literature.

“There’s been a lot of research on how mindfulness can mitigate impostor syndrome,” she explains. “But self-concept—how we see ourselves in various roles—hadn’t been deeply explored in relation to impostor phenomenon.”

Her study examines whether factors like age, gender, and years of supervisory experience impact the relationship between self-concept and impostor syndrome. Interestingly, preliminary findings suggest that impostor syndrome doesn’t discriminate—it can affect anyone, regardless of experience level.

The Counseling Profession and Impostor Syndrome: A Perfect Storm?

The counseling profession demands a high level of self-awareness, emotional intelligence, and boundary setting—all while holding space for the deep struggles of others. This, Whitney believes, might create an environment where impostor syndrome thrives.

“As counselors, we are trained to be highly reflective and self-aware,” she says. “But that same self-awareness can turn into self-doubt. We might think, ‘I should know better than this,’ or ‘Why am I struggling with my own emotions when I’m supposed to be helping others?’ ”

Furthermore, because rapport-building and empathy often come naturally to counselors, some may feel that their success isn’t due to skill or training but rather just who they are—a classic hallmark of impostor syndrome.

David, the interviewer, poses an interesting question: “Does the counseling profession itself lend to impostor syndrome?” It’s an area of research that Whitney believes could be worth exploring further.

Strategies for Overcoming Impostor Syndrome

So, how can counselors (or anyone) combat impostor syndrome? Whitney offers several strategies:

Fact-Checking Your Thoughts

“When someone experiences impostor syndrome, I ask them: What evidence do you have that supports this belief? And what evidence contradicts it?”
More often than not, the evidence shows competence, not fraudulence.

Recognizing that Opportunities Come from Merit, Not Luck

“The opportunity wouldn’t be there if you weren’t qualified,” Whitney emphasizes. “You didn’t just ‘get lucky’—someone evaluated your experience and decided you were capable.”

Normalizing the Experience

Impostor syndrome affects highly accomplished individuals, from CEOs to doctors to therapists. “You’re not alone,” Whitney reminds us. “Many people feel this way, even those you look up to.”

Seeking Support and Mentorship

“Having a mentor or support system can help you see yourself more clearly,” she says. “Sometimes, we need others to remind us of our worth.”

What’s Next for Whitney?

With her dissertation nearing completion, Whitney anticipates finishing her PhD by September. After that, she hopes to balance private practice with a role in counselor education.

“My dream is to continue working with clients but also to start teaching,” she shares. “I love interacting with students, and I want to help train the next generation of counselors.”

As for a book? Maybe. “We’ll see what happens,” she laughs, acknowledging that her journey is still unfolding.

Final Thoughts: Advice for Aspiring PhD Students

For those considering a PhD in Counselor Education and Supervision, Whitney offers some practical advice:

Do Your Research – “Not all PhD programs are created equal. Find one that aligns with your career goals.”
Read Dissertations – “Look at what past students have written. It gives you an idea of what to expect.”
Be Ready for Humility – “A PhD is humbling. But it also teaches you resilience.”

Conclusion

Whitney White’s journey highlights the paradox of impostor syndrome: the people who experience it are often the ones who care the most, work the hardest, and are the most competent. By breaking the silence on impostor phenomenon in the counseling profession, she’s not only contributing valuable research but also normalizing an experience that so many face.

If you’re in Tennessee and seeking a skilled therapist who truly understands the weight of self-doubt, you can find Whitney on Psychology Today or connect with her on LinkedIn .

And if you’ve ever struggled with impostor syndrome yourself, take Whitney’s advice to heart:

You are more qualified than you think. The opportunity wouldn’t be there if you weren’t meant for it.

The Power of Encouragement

Mon, 03 Feb 2025 21:56:51 GMT

How a Few Words Can Change a Life

Encouragement is one of the most underrated but powerful forces in our lives. Whether it comes from a teacher, a friend, a coach, or even from within, a few simple words of belief can be the difference between giving up and pushing forward.

Why is encouragement so impactful? Why do words like “I believe in you” or “You’ve got this” have the power to transform our mindset? In this post, we’ll dive into the science behind encouragement, real-life stories that prove its power, and practical ways to incorporate more encouragement into our daily lives.

The Science of Encouragement

You may think encouragement is just about making people feel good, but research shows that it goes much deeper than that.

A 2023 study published in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology revealed that people who receive encouragement during difficult tasks experience an immediate increase in motivation, confidence, and performance. Why? Because encouragement activates the brain’s reward center, releasing dopamine—the same chemical that makes us feel good after eating chocolate or achieving a goal.

In other words, when someone encourages us, our brain responds by saying, “Yes! Keep going!” This explains why encouragement is so effective in helping people push past struggles and stay committed to their goals.

Another key piece of research comes from Dr. Carol Dweck, the psychologist behind the growth mindset theory. Dweck found that people who receive encouragement focused on their effort rather than their abilities are more likely to embrace challenges and persist through difficulties.

For example, consider a student learning math. If they hear, “You’re so smart!” they may assume intelligence is fixed—so if they struggle, they might give up. But if they hear, “I love how hard you worked on that problem” they learn that effort leads to success, making them more likely to persevere.

And it’s not just students who benefit from encouragement. A Harvard Business Review study (2022) found that employees who regularly receive positive reinforcement from their managers are 30% more engaged and productive than those who don’t. Encouragement creates an environment where people feel safe, valued, and motivated to contribute.

Real-Life Stories of Encouragement Changing Lives

Let’s look at some real-world examples that prove just how powerful encouragement can be.

1. The Leicester City Underdog Story (Sports)

In 2016, Leicester City shocked the world by winning the English Premier League title against 5000-to-1 odds. How did this underdog team pull off one of the greatest upsets in sports history? Their manager, Claudio Ranieri, believed in them when no one else did.

Instead of focusing on mistakes, Ranieri constantly reminded his players of their growth. He told them:

"You’re improving every day. Focus on the next match, the next goal. You are capable of greatness."

This belief translated into confidence, resilience, and ultimately, a championship-winning team. Their story proves that sometimes, all people need is someone to tell them, “You can do this.”

2. The Story of Mrs. Thompson and Teddy Stoddard (Education)

Teachers have an incredible ability to change lives through encouragement, and one of the most touching stories is that of Mrs. Thompson and Teddy Stoddard.

Teddy was a struggling student, quiet and withdrawn. Many teachers had written him off as a lost cause—until Mrs. Thompson took the time to learn about his background. She discovered that he had lost his mother and was facing extreme difficulties at home.

Instead of giving up on him, she chose to encourage him every single day. She praised his effort, noticed his improvements, and reminded him that he could succeed.

Years later, Mrs. Thompson received a letter from Teddy, who had become a successful doctor. In it, he wrote:

"Thank you for believing in me when no one else did. Your encouragement changed my life."

This is the power of encouragement—it can take someone from feeling invisible to realizing their full potential.

3. Google’s Project Aristotle (Workplace)

Encouragement isn’t just for students and athletes; it plays a crucial role in the workplace, too.

Google conducted a two-year study called Project Aristotle, where they analyzed what made their most effective teams succeed. The most critical factor? Psychological safety—the feeling that it’s okay to take risks, make mistakes, and express ideas without fear of judgment.

And what created this safety? Encouragement.

Teams where leaders and colleagues encouraged each other to share ideas and take creative risks outperformed all others. This proves that encouragement fosters innovation, trust, and productivity—qualities every workplace needs to thrive.

How to Practice Encouragement in Daily Life

Now that we know why encouragement matters, how can we incorporate it into our everyday interactions? Here are four practical steps:

1. Be Specific and Genuine

Instead of saying, “Good job,” try:
“You handled that presentation so well! Your points were clear and engaging.”
“I love how much effort you put into that project—it really shows.”

Specific encouragement is more meaningful and helps people see their own strengths.

2. Praise Effort, Not Just Results

Remember Dr. Dweck’s research? Focusing on effort helps people stay motivated. Instead of saying, “You’re so talented,” say:
“I can see how much work you put into this. Keep going—you’re improving every day!”

This encourages a growth mindset, making people more resilient in the face of challenges.

3. Be a Mirror of Strength

People often forget their own capabilities. Your encouragement can be the reminder they need.
“You’ve overcome tough times before, and you’ll get through this too.”
“I believe in you because I’ve seen you rise above obstacles before.”

4. Encourage Yourself, Too

Encouragement isn’t just something we give to others—it’s something we should give ourselves. Pay attention to your self-talk. Instead of, “I’m failing,” try:
“I’m learning and growing. Every challenge is making me stronger.”

Self-encouragement builds resilience and keeps us moving forward.

The Ripple Effect of Encouragement

Encouragement is contagious. When you encourage someone, they feel inspired to encourage others, creating a ripple effect of positivity. Imagine a world where more people uplifted each other, where encouragement replaced criticism, and where we all believed in each other’s potential.

This week, I challenge you to be an encourager. Whether it’s a colleague, a friend, a family member, or even a stranger, take a moment to say:
“I see you. I believe in you.”

And don’t forget to encourage yourself, too. You never know—your words might be the spark that changes someone’s life.

Final Thoughts

Encouragement is more than just words—it’s an act of kindness, a boost of confidence, and a force for change. It doesn’t cost anything, yet it has the power to transform lives.

So let’s make encouragement a habit. Let’s be the people who remind others of their strength. Let’s believe in each other, support each other, and lift each other higher.

Because sometimes, all it takes is a few words to turn doubt into confidence, failure into perseverance, and dreams into reality.

Who has encouraged you in your life? Share your story in the comments—I’d love to hear it!

If you found this post valuable, share it with someone who needs encouragement today.

A Different Take on Boundaries

Mon, 03 Feb 2025 21:47:33 GMT

Beyond Walls, Toward Connection

Boundaries have become a buzzword in recent years, popping up in conversations about self-care, relationships, and mental health. We hear phrases like “Set firm boundaries,” or “That’s a boundary violation.” But what do we really mean when we talk about boundaries?

Are boundaries just about keeping people out? Or is there a way to see them as meeting places—spaces where relationships can grow in healthier, more fulfilling ways?

In this blog post, we’ll explore:

What boundaries truly mean in relationships.

The psychological origins of the concept and how it became mainstream.

A fresh perspective on boundaries as connection points rather than barriers.

How to set boundaries in a way that fosters understanding instead of harm.

If you’ve struggled with setting boundaries, felt guilty about enforcing them, or wondered if there’s a different way to think about them—this post is for you.

What Are Boundaries in Relationships?

Boundaries are the limits we set in our relationships to define what is acceptable and what is not. They help us protect our emotional well-being, maintain autonomy, and create a sense of safety in our interactions with others.

Dr. Henry Cloud and Dr. John Townsend, in their bestselling book Boundaries: When to Say Yes, How to Say No to Take Control of Your Life (1992), describe boundaries as “invisible property lines” that separate what is ours from what belongs to others. This applies to our time, emotions, mental energy, and even physical space.

A 2022 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships (APA) found that people who set clearly communicated relational boundaries report higher satisfaction in both romantic and platonic relationships. Why? Because boundaries reduce ambiguity, minimize resentment, and promote mutual respect.

There are different types of boundaries, including:

Physical boundaries (e.g., “I need personal space right now.”)

Emotional boundaries (e.g., “I can support you, but I can’t take on all of your feelings.”)

Time boundaries (e.g., “I can’t stay late at work every night.”)

Mental boundaries (e.g., “I respect your beliefs, but I have my own perspective.”)

Healthy boundaries are not about control or punishment; they are about balance—ensuring that both closeness and individuality can coexist in relationships.

The Origins of Boundaries as a Psychological Concept

The idea of personal boundaries in psychology dates back to Sigmund Freud’s psychoanalytic work in the early 20th century. Freud suggested that psychological health depends on maintaining a strong sense of self while navigating relationships with others.

Later, Erik Erikson’s stages of psychosocial development (1950) introduced the idea that healthy relationships require differentiation—knowing where you end and others begin. This was particularly emphasized in adolescence and adulthood, where autonomy and intimacy must coexist.

The modern concept of boundaries was shaped by family systems therapy in the 1970s, pioneered by Dr. Murray Bowen. Bowen’s work focused on emotional differentiation—the ability to maintain your own emotional identity even while staying connected to close family members. He argued that people who lack boundaries tend to become enmeshed in others’ emotions, leading to codependency.

Fast forward to the 1990s and early 2000s, and boundaries became a mainstream concept in pop psychology. Books like Boundaries by Cloud and Townsend (1992) and The Gifts of Imperfection by Brené Brown (2010) emphasized the need for setting limits in relationships to foster self-worth and personal growth.

However, with the rise of social media, the conversation around boundaries shifted. Instead of emphasizing mutual respect, many online narratives framed boundaries as cut-off points—ways to remove people from our lives rather than fostering healthier communication.

While some relationships do need distance, a nuanced approach to boundaries can help us navigate challenges without resorting to disconnection as the only option.

Boundaries as Meeting Places, Not Walls

Now, let’s take a different approach. What if boundaries weren’t just about separation, but about meeting places?

Instead of seeing boundaries as walls, we can see them as gates—structures that open and close depending on what’s needed.

Dr. Esther Perel, a well-known therapist and relationship expert, describes boundaries as negotiation points in relationships. Instead of saying, “This is my boundary, take it or leave it,” we can say, “This is important to me. How can we work together to honor both of our needs?”

For example, instead of saying:
“I don’t want to talk about this. That’s my boundary.”

Try: “I need some time to process this before we talk. Can we revisit it tomorrow?”

This approach keeps the conversation open rather than shutting it down.

Boundaries should create structure, not isolation. When we view them as negotiation points rather than ultimatums, we create opportunities for better relationships, not just distance.

How to Set Boundaries That Don’t Harm Others

Now that we’ve reframed boundaries as meeting places, how do we implement them effectively?

1. Communicate Early and Often

Boundaries should be expressed before resentment builds. Instead of waiting until frustration peaks, set expectations early.

Example: Instead of waiting until you're overwhelmed to say, “I can’t help with this,” say, “I’d love to support you, but I only have 30 minutes to help.”

2. Use ‘I’ Statements

Instead of blaming or accusing, express your needs from your own perspective.

“You always take up my time.”
“I need more time for myself to recharge.”

3. Be Flexible, Not Rigid

Boundaries aren’t about control. If your partner or friend has different needs, be willing to find a middle ground.

Example: If a friend wants to vent but you need space, say, “I want to support you, but I need to take care of myself, too. Can we check in tomorrow?”

4. Consider Cultural and Relational Contexts

Not all relationships require the same level of boundaries. A close friendship may have more fluidity than a work relationship. Boundaries should be adapted to the dynamics of each relationship.

Final Thoughts: Boundaries as Bridges

Boundaries are powerful tools, but they’re not just about saying no. They’re about creating relationships that feel safe, open, and mutually fulfilling.

As you reflect on boundaries in your life, ask yourself:

Where can you express your boundaries more clearly?

Where can you soften your approach to encourage dialogue instead of distance?

The goal isn’t just protection—it’s connection. When we rethink boundaries as bridges rather than walls, we move toward relationships that support both autonomy and intimacy.

Let’s create spaces where boundaries foster mutual respect, not just division.

Join the Conversation!

What’s your experience with setting boundaries? Have you ever felt like boundaries became too rigid or too loose? Share your thoughts in the comments!

If this post resonated with you, share it with someone who might need a different perspective on boundaries. Let’s keep growing together!

The Landscape of Counseling in South Africa

Fri, 31 Jan 2025 15:21:38 GMT

An Interview with Eduan Greyling

South Africa’s mental health sector is evolving, with increasing awareness of the importance of counseling and therapy. While access to counseling services continues to expand, both challenges and opportunities define the profession. I recently sat down with Eduan Greyling, a professional counselor based in Cape Town, to discuss his journey into the field, the regulatory landscape, and the nuances of counseling in South Africa.

I discovered Eduan through the Psychology Today website and reached out to request an interview. He was one of three counselors I contacted and the first to respond. Aware of Cape Town’s rich cultural diversity, I aimed to interview counselors from different racial and ethnic backgrounds as well. However, the others I reached out to did not respond. I plan to follow up again soon in hopes of capturing a broader range of perspectives on counseling within South Africa’s beautifully diverse cultural landscape.

The Evolution of Counseling in South Africa

The counseling profession in South Africa has evolved significantly, shaped by historical contexts and current societal needs. Historically, counseling psychology in South Africa was primarily concerned with serving the goals of the nationalist government and addressing the needs of the minority White Afrikaans-speaking citizens of the country. This focus on vocational issues and health promotion in the development of counseling psychology in South Africa mirrors the evolution of the specialty in the United States.

To practice as a counseling psychologist in South Africa, individuals must register with the Health Professions Council of South Africa (HPCSA). Prerequisites include completing a four-year degree in psychology, an accredited master's degree in counseling psychology, a one-year internship, and passing the Board Examination.

Registered counselors, distinct from counseling psychologists, are trained to provide a variety of psychosocial interventions to individuals, groups, and communities. These may include prevention and health promotion initiatives, psychoeducation, short-term supportive counseling, and psychological assessments. They work in various settings, including NGOs, correctional services, district hospitals, schools, and community programs.

Building a Counseling Practice in Cape Town

Starting a private counseling practice, particularly as a young professional, came with its fair share of skepticism. “People told me I was too young, that I didn’t have enough wisdom,” Eduan recalls. “But passion is what drives success. I had to push through the doubts and build my practice step by step.”

One of the key challenges in South Africa is the financial barrier to accessing mental health services. While some counselors are affiliated with medical aid schemes, many clients still pay out-of-pocket. “Counseling is often seen as a luxury,” Eduan admits. To make therapy more accessible, he offers pro bono sessions and discounted rates for lower-income clients. In fact, Eduan offers three pro-bono sessions each week on Wednesday mornings, available on a first-come, first-served basis. This innovative approach makes counseling more accessible to individuals who might otherwise be unable to afford it due to financial constraints.

Referrals have played a significant role in growing his practice. “Word of mouth is your best friend,” he emphasizes. “It’s about building trust and delivering results.”

Practical Training and Real-World Experience

Eduan points out a significant gap between university education and the realities of counseling. “My degree gave me a solid theoretical foundation, but it didn’t prepare me practically,” he admits. “I learned everything once I started working.”

For him, hands-on experience came through volunteering with an NGO, where he was mentored and supervised. “The biggest skills I learned were reading body language and active listening. You have to train yourself not to formulate responses in your head before your client has finished speaking.”

Diversity and Accessibility in Counseling

A common misconception about counseling in South Africa is that it is only accessible to white, upper-class clients. Eduan’s practice, however, serves a diverse client base, including Black, Indian, and Coloured individuals from various socioeconomic backgrounds.

“I have clients from different racial and economic backgrounds, which is a sign of progress,” he says. “But the reality is that private counseling still remains inaccessible to many.”

Despite the growing recognition of mental health's importance, challenges persist. The integration of counseling psychologists into the South African public health system has been an ongoing point of contestation. At present, the state mental health system only has posts for clinical psychologists, although this was not always the case. In 1996, the number of counseling psychologists in full-time state employment was significantly larger than the number of clinical psychologists. However, recent data show that the range of employment options for counseling psychologists outside of private practice and higher education is limited. Currently, almost half of all counseling psychologists work in private practice, a setting that excludes the economically marginalized, mostly Black residents of the country.

Ethics and Boundaries in Counseling

Maintaining professional boundaries is crucial in therapy. When asked about working with clients whose values or lifestyles may differ from his own, Eduan is clear: “Counseling is about helping people, not judging them. You have to bracket your personal beliefs and provide support within your scope of practice.”

Counselors in South Africa must follow strict ethical guidelines set by their regulatory bodies. If a client believes a counselor has breached confidentiality, they can file a complaint with the HPCSA or another governing organization. “There are systems in place to protect clients, and that’s important for accountability,” he says.

Final Thoughts

Eduan’s journey illustrates both the potential and the challenges of working as a counselor in South Africa. While financial constraints and accessibility issues persist, the profession is growing, and more people are recognizing the value of mental health support. With dedicated professionals like Eduan leading the way, the future of counseling in South Africa looks promising.

Professional organizations, such as the South African Association for Counselors, play a pivotal role in promoting and advocating for the counseling profession. They offer membership benefits, professional development, and networking opportunities to support counselors throughout their careers.

For more information on Eduan’s practice, visit his website here .

Cultivating Growth and Cultural Competence

Tue, 17 Dec 2024 01:35:59 GMT

Travis C. on Counseling Diverse Populations

In a candid and thought-provoking conversation, I had the opportunity to sit down with Travis C., a student in a Master’s program in Clinical Mental Health Counseling. Travis shared his reflections on one of the most impactful courses in his program: Counseling Diverse Populations. His insights shed light on the importance of cultural humility, curiosity, and vulnerability—qualities that are crucial not only in the classroom but also in professional counseling practice.

Challenging Preconceptions: Shifting Perspectives in the Classroom

At the start of the course, Travis admitted to approaching Counseling Diverse Populations with skepticism. “I thought it would be full of rhetoric and not practical,” he confessed. For many students, diversity courses can feel abstract, rooted in theories that fail to translate into real-world applications. However, Travis’s experience quickly dismantled this preconception.

“It wasn’t prescriptive,” he shared. “It challenged my ideas about diversity and made me look deeper into my own preconceptions.”

This experience of self-reflection is a cornerstone of the class. Counseling professionals cannot offer effective care without first examining their own biases, privileges, and blind spots. Travis found himself questioning deeply held beliefs, pushing past discomfort to engage more fully with the material.

While he appreciated the racial diversity within his class, he acknowledged there was still room for broader representation in other areas, such as gender identity, religion, and socioeconomic backgrounds. Despite this, the open nature of discussions helped him grow personally and professionally.

Navigating the Complexity of Diverse Dynamics

Being a male student in a predominantly female class presented Travis with a unique perspective. “It was an interesting experience being a minority, especially as a male with more conservative beliefs, ” he explained. While he appreciated the respectful environment, he sometimes hesitated to share for fear of being perceived as overly contrary.

This hesitation speaks to the delicate balance of fostering authentic dialogue in classroom discussions. Yet, as Travis and I reflected, it’s precisely this tension that makes these spaces so vital. Creating an environment where every voice is heard—no matter how different—requires both humility and curiosity.

One exercise in particular left a profound impact on Travis: the privilege exercise. Students were asked to divide into groups based on various identities and experiences. “I t was eye-opening ,” Travis said, describing the discomfort he and his classmates felt. While some students struggled with these moments of vulnerability, Travis recognized the value of discomfort.

“Discomfort doesn’t mean a lack of safety. Growth often requires us to step into the uncomfortable.”

This acknowledgment of discomfort as a necessary catalyst for growth highlights a key lesson for counselors: being able to “sit with” discomfort is essential for working with diverse clients. As counselors-in-training learn to challenge their own comfort zones, they also develop the capacity to hold space for clients who may be grappling with their own experiences of identity, privilege, and marginalization.

Preparing to Work with Diverse Clients: Accessibility and “Bracketing”

Travis reflected on how the class prepared him to counsel individuals from vastly different backgrounds. He highlighted the importance of creating a safe, accessible, and nonjudgmental environment for clients:

“If I were counseling a Black trans woman who practices Wicca—a belief system very different from my own—I would set aside my personal beliefs to better understand her experiences.”

This concept—often referred to as bracketing—is essential for cultural humility in counseling practice. Bracketing requires counselors to temporarily set aside their personal values and beliefs so they can focus fully on the client’s worldview. Travis’s commitment to this practice demonstrates his growth as a counselor and his recognition of the importance of culturally competent care.

Encouraging Vulnerability and Connection

One of the most powerful moments Travis experienced in the class came from embracing vulnerability. He recalled a time when he shared a perspective that made him feel nervous, unsure how it would be received.

“It taught me that being willing to share—even when it’s scary—can lead to growth for everyone.”

This kind of vulnerability is not easy to foster in classroom settings, but it is essential. Travis encouraged educators to pay attention to classroom dynamics and help students feel seen and heard, particularly those who might hold back. “It’s important to notice dynamics and facial expressions. Sometimes people hold back, and it’s worth stepping in to help them feel heard.”

His professor’s approach to challenging yet respectful discussions was particularly impactful. By openly acknowledging the potential for triggering content and encouraging dialogue, the professor created a safer space for everyone. “The professor acknowledged that some topics might offend someone and encouraged us to speak up if needed. That made me feel safer and more comfortable sharing, ” Travis said.

The Importance of Self-Worth and Personal Development

Beyond the classroom discussions and exercises, Travis’s reflections touched on a broader theme central to counseling work: the inherent worth and value of every individual.

“Everyone matters and has value—regardless of what they’ve done or where they come from.”

For counseling students, this belief forms the foundation of their professional identity. By engaging in experiential learning—exercises, discussions, and reflective practices—students develop the skills they need to embody this philosophy in their work.

Personal development, Travis emphasized, is key: “To help others grow, you first have to grow yourself.”

Final Reflections: Growth Through Discomfort and Connection

Our conversation underscored the transformative power of courses like Counseling Diverse Populations. Travis’s journey is a testament to the importance of humility, curiosity, and connection in both learning and professional practice. By challenging his preconceptions, engaging in meaningful discussions, and stepping into discomfort, Travis has cultivated the tools necessary to become a culturally competent and empathetic counselor.

His story reminds us that growth often emerges from discomfort. In both classroom settings and professional practice, creating safe spaces for vulnerability, reflection, and connection is critical. Counselors must learn to listen, understand, and advocate for clients while honoring every individual’s unique experiences and value.

As future counselors like Travis navigate the complexities of identity, privilege, and intersectionality, they gain the skills needed to make a meaningful impact in the lives of others—helping clients feel seen, heard, and valued in a world that often struggles to do so.

This conversation serves as a powerful reminder of what’s possible when education prioritizes humility, growth, and human connection—values that will shape the next generation of compassionate, competent counseling professionals.

May you be well!

PS [I want to take an extra moment here to thank Travis for his openness and vulnerability and his agreeing to be interviewed. I am exceptionally excited about Travis' future as a counselor. Keep your eye on him - he is going to be out there making a difference.]

The Entrepreneurial Journey

Fri, 13 Dec 2024 21:24:39 GMT

Navigating Mental Health, Burnout, and Balance with Ben Gibson, CEO of Madebrand.co

Entrepreneurship can be one of the most rewarding yet challenging paths someone can choose. From the freedom of building your dream to the pressures of financial risks, long hours, and isolation, the entrepreneurial journey tests both resilience and mental health. In a recent conversation with Ben Gibson, the CEO and founder of Madebrand.co , we explored the personal and professional struggles entrepreneurs face, along with strategies for protecting mental wellbeing.

Ben’s insights, shaped by his own experiences, shed light on everything from overcoming burnout to embracing selfcare and spirituality. Here’s what we learned about the realities of entrepreneurship, its impact on mental health, and how to thrive in the process.

The Personal Journey of Entrepreneurship

Ben’s story begins in a conservative small town in West Texas. Driven by a desire to follow his heart, he took a leap into entrepreneurship, trading stability for the freedom to build something meaningful. While his journey has been full of highs, Ben also opened up about the lows:

· The financial hardships that come with starting a business.

· The uncertainty and pressure of solo founding.

· The mental toll that constant decision-making and high stakes can have.

“ Entrepreneurship forces you to grow,” Ben shared. “You face challenges that test your resilience and require a deep belief in yourself. At times, it can feel isolating, but those struggles also help you uncover what really matters.”

Hustle Culture and Mental Health

In today’s world, “hustle culture” is often celebrated. Entrepreneurs are encouraged to work 24/7, sacrificing personal time to achieve their dreams. Ben challenges this mindset.

“There’s a time to hustle,” he said, “but it has to be balanced. Working excessively can destroy your mental health and creativity. The real key is to work smart, not just hard.”

Ben’s experiences working remotely and traveling—particularly in Vietnam and Thailand—show how flexibility can coexist with success. He believes remote work opportunities give entrepreneurs a chance to reset, reconnect with themselves, and find the balance they need to stay grounded.

Burnout, Self-Care, and Recovery

One of the most honest moments in our conversation was when Ben shared his experience with burnout last summer.

“I reached a point where I had to shut my business down,” he admitted. “It was a wakeup call to prioritize self-care and take a step back.”

So, how did Ben recover?

1. He took time to rediscover his passion and explore new ventures.

2. He leaned into routines and selfcare practices, including a morning routine and regular exercise.

3. He focused on faith and spirituality to guide his actions and rebuild clarity.

Ben’s current project—developing a product-based supplement business—reflects his renewed focus on sustainable entrepreneurship and avoiding burnout.

“Self-care isn’t selfish, ” Ben emphasized. “If you don’t take care of yourself, your business—and everything else—will suffer.”

Overcoming Isolation: The Power of Community

For solo entrepreneurs, isolation can feel like one of the toughest battles. Ben shared strategies he’s used to combat loneliness and maintain connection:

· Having a supportive partner who understands the entrepreneurial lifestyle.

· Hiring a virtual assistant to offload tasks and create space for meaningful work.

· Seeking out business coaches and mentors for guidance and encouragement.

Entrepreneurship doesn’t have to be a solo journey. As Ben highlighted, building relationships and surrounding yourself with people who believe in you can make all the difference.

Mental Health Challenges in the Entrepreneurial Community

Ben and I also discussed the stigma around mental health in the entrepreneurial world. Anxiety, depression, and burnout are common among business owners, yet conversations about mental health are still not normalized.

“Entrepreneurs are often seen as strong and self-reliant,” Ben said, “but that doesn’t mean we don’t struggle. It’s okay to admit when you’re overwhelmed and seek help.”

He emphasized the value of resources like therapy, coaching, and support groups. Whether through professional counseling or simply leaning on trusted mentors, entrepreneurs need spaces to process challenges and find solutions.

Three Practical Mental Health Tips for Entrepreneurs

Before closing our conversation, I asked Ben for three practical tips for aspiring entrepreneurs to protect their mental wellbeing. Here’s what he shared:

1. Trust Your Actions: Keep moving forward, even when the path feels uncertain.

2. Trust Your Intuition: Listen to your gut—it often knows the next step, even when your mind doesn’t.

3. Practice Self-Compassion: Treat yourself with kindness. Failures and setbacks are part of the process. Learn from them, don’t dwell on them.

These strategies reflect not just how to survive the entrepreneurial journey, but how to thrive along the way.

Spirituality, Personal Growth, and Redefining Success

Ben’s entrepreneurial journey has also been one of spiritual and personal growth. He believes entrepreneurship requires both humility and self-awareness, leading to deeper understanding of one’s identity and values.

“Success looks different for me now,” he said. “It’s no longer just about the money or the hustle—it’s about balance, purpose, and having the flexibility to design the life I want with my partner.”

This redefinition of success aligns with the mindset that mental health and wellbeing are non-negotiables in the entrepreneurial world.

About Madebrand.co and Ben’s Work

Today, Ben is focused on building Madebrand.co, a product-based business that designs and sells supplements. He encourages anyone interested in creating their own supplement line to reach out through Madebrand.co’s website or social media to schedule a call.

Closing Thoughts

As we wrapped up our conversation, Ben shared one final piece of wisdom:

“Failure is part of the entrepreneurial journey, but it doesn’t define you. If you take care of yourself, trust your actions, and stay aligned with your purpose, you’ll find a way forward.”

For anyone struggling with the pressures of entrepreneurship, Ben’s story is a powerful reminder: balance, passion, and community are key to building not just a successful business, but a fulfilling life.

Next Steps and Resources:

· Learn more about Ben’s work at Madebrand.co

· Follow Madebrand.co on social media for updates.

· Listen to the Project I Am podcast’s self-compassion episode for tools to manage mental health.

Thank you, Ben, for sharing your journey, wisdom, and honesty with us. Your story is an inspiration to entrepreneurs everywhere.

If you enjoyed this post, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And remember, taking care of your mental health isn’t a weakness—it’s your greatest strength.

8 Small Things You Can Do Each Day to Enhance Your Self-Development

Mon, 11 Nov 2024 23:35:18 GMT

Make the most of your self-development efforts with these strategies:

Be very consistent. A moderately good plan can be incredibly powerful if followed day after day. A great plan doesn’t accomplish much if you’re inconsistent.

Strive to be consistent with your efforts. It doesn’t matter if you’re following a diet, learning about physics, or learning to play the piano. Consistency matters.

2. Become an expert . Expand your knowledge and become an expert on whatever it is you’re trying to improve. The more you learn, the greater your potential to make progress.

However, it’s important to avoid falling into the trap of learning at the expense of doing. Many procrastinators convince themselves that they need to learn more, when they actually need to be doing more!

3. Create routines . Routines encourage consistency and require a minimal amount of brain power. Routines eliminate decisions. At the very least, have a morning and an evening routine. Set yourself up to have a great day and end your day on a positive note. An example morning routine:

Wake up at 5:30 AM.
Read something positive for 15 minutes.
Exercise for 30 minutes.
Play guitar for 30 mins.
Review tasks for day.
Shower.
Breakfast.
Leave for work by 7:30 AM.

4. Measure your progress . Things that you measure get done, and they improve. Whether you’re trying to lose weight, bench press more, save more money, or become a better cello player, find a way to measure your performance and progress.

5. Review your day . Reviewing your day allows you to gain the most benefit from it. Review your good decisions, mistakes, and progress. Use that information to make every day in the future even better .

Try to live your life just a little bit better each day than you did the day before. The results over time will astound you.

6. Use affirmations when your self-talk goes south . Everyone suffers from negative self-talk to varying degrees. One way to combat it is to recite affirmations when your thoughts are negative. Have a list of affirmations you can read. YouTube also has a lot of affirmation audio recordings you can listen to.

Affirmations can be a great tool to use at the beginning and end of your day.

7. Unplug at least an hour before bed each night . Give your brain a break and put away all of your electronic devices at least 60 minutes before you turn out the lights. No TV, cell phones, computers, video games, or tablets before bed. This is a great time to read a book and increase your knowledge.

8. Plan your day in advance . It’s easy to waste a day by not having a plan. Avoid going to bed without having a clear plan for the next day . You’ll accomplish much more with this simple idea. Never again will you wake up wondering what you need to do that day.

Self-development can be hard work, so it’s important to make your efforts as effective as possible. Consistency, planning, routines, and review are simple but powerful tools you can use each day . These take little time but supercharge your efforts. If you’re working hard to develop yourself, use these tips to enhance your results.

Live as Your Future Self

Sun, 10 Nov 2024 05:22:04 GMT

Look to the future to change your present with these strategies:

1. Look ahead and visualize the life you’d like to have. Imagine yourself 10 years from now living the life of your dreams. Notice how you feel and behave. Imagine how you deal with your average day. Imagine the income, physique, social life, relationship, and so on that you’d like to have.

What do you eat each day? How much do you exercise? What type of exercise do you do? What are your attitudes and beliefs around diet and exercise?
How much money do you make? How do you make it? What are your saving and spending habits?
Think about your future social life. How many friends do you have? How often do you go out? Where do you go? How do you manage that social circle? How often do you communicate with them?
If your ideal future includes a partner, how do you manage that? What do you do each day to keep your relationship strong?
Consider the habits and hobbies you’d have, too.

2. Take a look at your current life and behavior. Contrast the above with your current life. Take particular note of the differences in how you behave and think today versus your future self. What changes do you need to make?

3. List the behaviors you would like to incorporate into your life to match your future self. If you can think and act the same way, you’ll eventually attain the same results.

4. Begin making the changes. Start slowly and only make a couple of changes at first. You might decide to cut out the candy, go to the gym three times a week, and go out once a week with a friend.

Or you might decide to review your goals each night, keep a journal, and start meditating.
Once the first set of habits starts to stick, add a few more.

5. Adopt a new mindset. When you’re faced with a decision or challenge, ask yourself what your future self would do in the same situation. Begin making decisions this way and see what happens.

6. Expect resistance. It won’t be easy to approach life with a new perspective and new behaviors.

It will feel uncomfortable at first, but that’s good. When you do something uncomfortable, your life can change.
When you do the things you’re used to doing, things stay the same. That’s comfortable, but that’s not progress.

Why wait 10 years to begin acting and believing a certain way? You can start right now and speed up your progress considerably. Imagine yourself living your ideal life 10 years from now and simply adopt the same habits, behaviors, thoughts, and beliefs. Success will come quicker than you ever imagined.

Self-Mastery is the Ultimate Goal

Sun, 10 Nov 2024 05:22:03 GMT

You will.

Are you in great shape? Do you only eat healthy foods? Why not? Is it because you’re confused about which foods are healthy and which are not? Are you confused about whether it’s better to exercise by running down the block or by sitting on the couch?

Hardly.

You know enough to make significant changes in your life. Knowledge isn’t the challenge. The challenge is managing yourself and your behaviors.

Haven’t had a date in a year? Are you confused about how to get a date? The key to getting dates is to ask people out. How many people have you asked out in the last week? How many new people have you spoken to in the last week?

Are you able to say the things that need to be said? Are you able to be silent when you know you should? Can you make yourself go to the gym or eat an apple instead of a piece of apple pie?

Mastering yourself is the only goal you need to achieve. From that, you can achieve all your other goals!

Use these strategies to become the master of yourself:

Make a list of the things you should do each day, but aren’t. This list might include things like exercising, playing the piano for 20 minutes, drinking eight glasses of water, paying your bills, flossing, and making social connections.
Make a list of the things you do each day, but shouldn’t. Maybe you stay up too late, watch too much TV, waste time playing video games, smoke, and show up late to work. Think about all the things you do that sacrifice your health, career, finances, social life, and happiness.
Begin by addressing one item from each list. Slowly eliminate one of the negative items and add one of the positive items. Habits are challenging to change, but you’ve developed habits without even trying. Imagine what you can accomplish intentionally.
Have a long-term focus. Negative behaviors have short-term rewards. Eating ice cream or watching TV are rewarding immediately. They can be harmful in the long-term, but they pay off right now.

Adopt a long-term focus and consider the long-term implications of your behavior before you indulge in it. What will it cost you down the road if you don’t change?

5. Realize that your body is the enemy. Why does a person eat a bag of potato chips instead of an orange? He imagines himself eating chips. Then he imagines eating an orange. Then he chooses the one that feels better. But your body is deceiving you. It’s only concerned with safety and reproduction.

It cares little for your longevity or your long-term prospects. Humans seek pleasure, just like any other animal. The advantage humans have over animals is the ability to make decisions and not follow instinct. The disadvantage humans have is the ability to create pleasurable foods and activities that are detrimental to long-term success and survival.

Self-mastery is the key. If you can master yourself, everything else becomes easy. It’s easy to get ahead at work. It’s easy to be healthy. It’s easy to save money and maintain relationships. Can you master yourself? Key your attention on the long-term impact of behaviors and avoid short-term pleasures that lead to long-term challenges.

The journey to your ideal life starts now!

How to Axe Self-Sabotaging Behavior

Sun, 10 Nov 2024 05:22:03 GMT

Find out why you may self-sabotage:

Control. You might self-sabotage because you have a need to be in control of your circumstances. The easiest and most certain way to stay in control is to maintain the status quo.

If you put your all into something, you run the risk of becoming vulnerable. Fear gets the best of you and you self-sabotage.

2. Low self-esteem. Do you feel unworthy of greatness?

For whatever reason, you may have decided that happiness ought to be forever beyond your reach. This is a self-limiting idea, and it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy.

3. Excitement. Perhaps you undermine your efforts because you’re seeking excitement. You feel the need to remain in a constant state of turmoil to distract yourself from painful memories or alleviate boredom.

If you see yourself in any of these descriptions, fear not: there are steps you can take to put yourself on the path toward self-mastery.

Consider this process for defeating your self-sabotage:

Observe your behavior. First off, it’s essential that you begin to observe yourself. You can effectively do this by creating a self-sabotage journal. Make a journal entry every time you realize that you’ve sabotaged yourself. Describe the setting, circumstances, and end result. Avoid over-analyzing.

Most often, a person’s true intentions are most evident in their actions, rather than their words.
Strive to be an impersonal observer in your journal. Eventually, you’ll gain a better understanding of your motives in certain situations.

2. Envision success. Keep in mind that success is neither black nor white. Cultivate the habit of envisioning what success means to you and remember how it feels to achieve it. If you do this consistently, you may find that what you envision changes over time.

Begin to see success as an integral part of your future, but realize there will still be challenges. Just like everyone else, you’ll still have to pay taxes and have relationship issues.

3. Let go of the notion of perfection. As you visualize success, are you still thinking that success equals perfection? If so, it’s time to realize that nobody is perfect.

This is what George Bernard Shaw would refer to as “doublethink.” Perfection and life are mutually exclusive because perfection is unattainable. Your subconscious won’t allow you to achieve success if you associate success with the impossible task of being perfect.
Think of your subconscious as a computer. It doesn’t know how to execute a command called “do the impossible.”
If you associate success with fear, your subconscious will fight you the entire way. Why? Because its primary function is to protect you from perceived threats.

Give yourself permission to anticipate success with excitement. Perhaps you’ve been sending your subconscious the message, “Don’t give me success!” So, let’s put your self-sabotaging behaviors in the past!

Embrace the good life you deserve by picturing yourself as successful, and then refuse to talk yourself out of going for it.

therapywithdavid

Why Effective Therapy Must Include the Body

The Growing Importance of Somatic Experiencing in Trauma Healing

Insight alone does not always heal trauma.

Trauma Lives in the Nervous System

“Trauma is not what happens to us, but what we hold inside in the absence of an empathetic witness.”

The Limits of Top-Down Therapy

Why Somatic Experiencing Is Growing

The Body Often Speaks Before Words Do

Trauma and Relationships

The body itself must experience safety differently.

The Therapist’s Nervous System Matters Too

Our approach to trauma is changing as we better understand how trauma impacts both the mind and the body.

Signature Keynote:

Growing Up in Apartheid South Africa

Identity, Systems, Awakening, and the Work of Healing

Audience Takeaways

Ideal Audiences

About Dr. David J. Schlosz

Booking & Contact

Relational Identity Integration

Why Psychotherapy Must Move Beyond

﻿ Symptom Management

Entrepreneurship and Mental Health

The Making of a Leader: Duality, Sacrifice, and Audacity

The Weight of Responsibility and the Loneliness at the Top

The Reluctant Entrepreneur: Formative Moments and Rejection

Grounding and the Blur of Identity

Managing Stress and Seeking Support

Reframing and Resilience

Lessons for Others and a Legacy of Humility

Connect with Josh

The Power and Challenge of Difficult Conversations

A MENTORING MOMENTS LIVE RECAP

﻿ WITH CALEB MATTHEWS

Meet Caleb Matthews: Therapist, Advocate, Bridge-Builder.

What stands out most about Caleb isn’t just his impressive resume—it’s his deep capacity for holding space with compassion and integrity.

On Difficult Conversations: Creating Safety, Space, and Change

Empathy, Intersectionality, and Holding Difference

Conversations That Heal: Church, Identity, and “Clean Pain”

Clean pain is the discomfort that comes from growth, truth, and healing. Dirty pain is the pain of avoidance, denial, and disconnection. If we want to grow—personally or collectively—we must learn to tolerate clean pain.

Practical Tools and Self-Care

Final Thoughts

Let’s keep building bridges. One honest conversation at a time.

Healing Complex Trauma Through Authentic Relationship

An Interview with Whitney Sutherland, LPC.

What unfolded in our conversation was more than a professional dialogue—it was a shared reflection on the nature of healing, the cost of disconnection, and the transformative power of authentic relationship.

A Calling Rooted in Experience

What Is Complex Trauma?

Unlike PTSD, where treatment might focus on resolving a specific traumatic memory, healing complex trauma is about gradually restoring a relationship with parts of the self that were exiled in order to survive.

Trauma as Adaptation, Not Deficit

Reclaiming Our Aliveness

“We don’t grow our capacity by forcing connection. We grow it by honoring our disconnection.”

Therapy as Relationship, Not Repair Job

“If we try to control the process or override the client’s inner knowing, we’re just repeating the same harm they came to heal.”

The Cultural Context of Disconnection

In this way, trauma isn’t just individual; it’s systemic. And healing becomes a form of resistance. A return to what’s real, what’s embodied, and what’s human.

Community as an Antidote to Isolation

A Personal Reflection on Healing

Final Words for the Journey

“The ways you learned to disconnect from yourself weren’t your fault. You’re allowed to start right where you are. The fact that you’re even curious about healing means you’re already listening to yourself—and that’s powerful.”

Learn More

That, perhaps, is the deepest healing of all.

Two Recent Graduates Launch an Initiative Sweeping the Student Counselor Coummunity

Counselor Success and Support Initiative

From Chaos to Community: The Growth of CSSI

Emotional Resilience, Practical Wisdom

Counseling is sacred, complex work that demands not just training but stamina.

New Voices, New Paths

A Season of Harvest

Sometimes, you can feel your star rising—you know when you're entering a new season. With CSSI, we’re all rising together.

More about Sonata

More about Tessa

Look out for the upcoming podcast of my interview with the here:

Leading with Pride

Dr. Charles Heaton on Identity, Inclusion, and the Power of Vulnerability

A Recent visit to Tokyo

From Principal to Assistant Superintendent

“Moving to Phoenix was a big shift,” he said. “But I’ve found joy in building people up—teachers, staff, students. Leadership isn’t about hierarchy for me; it’s about empowering others.”

Coming Out in Education: A Personal Reckoning

Symptom Management

WITH CALEB MATTHEWS