The Power and Challenge of Difficult Conversations
A MENTORING MOMENTS LIVE RECAP
WITH CALEB MATTHEWS

In this month’s Mentoring Moments Live, I had the privilege of sitting down with therapist, advocate, and community leader Caleb Matthews for a heartfelt and wisdom-filled conversation on “The Importance and the Challenge of Having Difficult Conversations.”
Whether you're a therapist, a counseling student, or someone who values meaningful human connection, this session offered a deep well of insight—practical tools, personal stories, and the kind of truth-telling that encourages growth, empathy, and healing.
Meet Caleb Matthews: Therapist, Advocate, Bridge-Builder.
Based in Austin, Texas, Caleb Matthews brings a unique blend of clinical wisdom and community leadership. As previous Board President of The Human Empathy Project, he helps create dialogue between Christian faith leaders and LGBTQ+ individuals. He’s also the founder of What’s My Therapist Reading?, a free book club for mental health professionals.
Certified in EMDR and trained through a scholarship from the Austin Police Department’s Victim Services, Caleb specializes in trauma therapy and has supported survivors of sexual assault and individuals affected by cancer through his work with the Flatwater Foundation.
What stands out most about Caleb isn’t just his impressive resume—it’s his deep capacity for holding space with compassion and integrity.
On Difficult Conversations: Creating Safety, Space, and Change
Caleb began by reminding us that hard conversations don’t have to be confrontational—they can be invitational. He introduced the Diversity Acceptance Continuum, a model that maps people's positions on a spectrum from hatred to advocacy. This framework is especially powerful in faith-based settings, where Caleb facilitates dialogue around gender, sexuality, and theology.
Through storytelling and clinical insight, he encouraged therapists and leaders alike to notice and celebrate the small shifts—when someone moves from discomfort to curiosity, or from silence to speaking out. Change, as he reminded us, is rarely instant. It unfolds over time, often in hidden, sacred spaces.
Empathy, Intersectionality, and Holding Difference
Throughout our dialogue, Caleb returned to the theme of empathy as practice. Quoting researcher Jenna St. David, he shared the “law of empathy”—that empathy must flow downhill, from those with more privilege to those with more marginalization. This, he explained, is how we make space for others to be seen and heard without demanding their emotional labor.
Caleb also talked openly about his own intersectionality—his identities around race, gender, sexuality, and body size—and how these realities shape the way he navigates professional and personal relationships.
We discussed the tensions that can exist within communities too. One participant, Brigid, shared a moment between two LGBTQ+ colleagues who had differing views based on their generational experiences. Caleb responded by highlighting the richness—and challenge—of diversity within identity groups. Empathy, he said, must begin with curiosity.
Conversations That Heal: Church, Identity, and “Clean Pain”
One of the more impactful segments was Caleb’s reflection on his work with churches around LGBTQ+ topics. Drawing from Justin Lee’s book Torn, he explained the “Side A” and “Side B” approaches to same-sex attraction and discussed the importance of defining terms early in any conversation.
He emphasized that information alone rarely shifts deeply held beliefs. What truly transforms people is openness of heart—and that requires the safety of nonjudgmental, relational space.
Referencing Resmaa Menakem’s My Grandmother’s Hands, Caleb introduced the idea of “clean pain” versus “dirty pain.”
Clean pain is the discomfort that comes from growth, truth, and healing. Dirty pain is the pain of avoidance, denial, and disconnection. If we want to grow—personally or collectively—we must learn to tolerate clean pain.
Practical Tools and Self-Care
Caleb closed our session by offering concrete strategies for navigating hard conversations:
- Define terms: Clarity creates safety.
- Prepare the space: Conversations go better when we feel at ease—walking side by side, riding in a car, or sharing a quiet moment.
- Model vulnerability: Be the first to go slow, to listen deeply, and to own your limitations.
And finally, for those doing the work of holding space for others, Caleb stressed the importance of self-care: consultation, therapy, genuine friendships, and grace for your own imperfections.
Final Thoughts
This conversation reminded me that the work of empathy is both sacred and gritty. It requires courage, clarity, and the willingness to get uncomfortable. But in that discomfort, there’s hope—a deeper connection with others and with ourselves.
I’m incredibly grateful to Caleb for his vulnerability, brilliance, and leadership. If you missed this Mentoring Moments Live, I encourage you to watch the replay and share it with a friend.
Let’s keep building bridges. One honest conversation at a time.
Resources Mentioned:
- Torn by Justin Lee
- My Grandmother’s Hands by Resmaa Menakem
- Talking Across the Divide by Justin Lee
- “You Can’t Ask That” – TV series on identity and belonging
Follow Caleb Matthews:
- The Human Empathy Project
- What's My Therapist Reading?











